You know how on Grey's, they call Bailey "The Nazi" behind her back? (And just an aside here, but how great was Chandra Wilson's acceptance speech at the SAG awards? It actually made me tear up a little!)

Don't you sort of feel like the term "Nazi" has started to take on a different meaning altogether? Like, we'll call anybody who's anal, uptight and blunt and harsh-sounding a "Nazi"...which I think is really stupid.

And why is it that, if you're super organized and meticulous and detailed, you get called "anal"? Like it's a negative thing.

You know what I really hate? I hear myself saying things like, "Yeah, I'm a little anal" in a self-deprecating way, as if admitting it upfront makes it seem less bad.

Why do I even think it's bad in the first place?

I like the fact that I'm organized and thorough and meticulous and on top of things.

I think of it as stepping up when so many people like to fall back and defer to others, instead of having an opinion, voicing their opinion, and just getting their act together.

It's all just so stupid.

I'm totally regretting giving a particular friend of mine my work phone number.

On the one hand, I'd rather field a million calls from her during the work day rather than when I'm at home, when I just want to lounge in front of the TV or read a book or study.

See, the thing about me is that...I don't like talking if there's nothing to say. (Though, it can be argued that I always have something to say. Lorelai Gilmore ain't got nothing on me.) The thing is, sometimes, I just don't feel like talking. Or rather, I don't feel like listening. Yeah, that's more like it.

Okay, let's go one step further...I don't like neediness.

Even if I was in a relationship right now, I don't think I'd want to hear from my boyfriend every single night. I don't expect flowers, I don't expect daily phone calls, I don't expect lavish gifts.

Something interesting happened today, though --- well, maybe not interesting. No. That's a lie. It wasn't interesting at all. I take it back. Maybe what really happened was that I started picking at one thing and starting wondering if there was meaning behind it rather than letting it go as an innocent remark.

I don't tend to trust people very easily.

Anyways, this girl stopped by my desk and we started talking about Valentine's Day and I said something about how I'm not really dreading it. She asked, "Oh, do you usually dread it?"

Later, I paused and thought, "What's that supposed to mean?"

I mean, do I look like someone who's naturally alone all the time? Do I look like Ruth Fisher? Someone who's hopelessly single and lonely? Because I don't feel lonely. For the first time in a long time, I think I can honestly say that I'm okay being single. I'm rather indifferent about it for the moment, actually.

Ack! Is this totally tedious and tiresome?

Okay, let's discuss something else...

You know what I don't like about group projects? It's when you discover that one person in the group is a slacker and you start regretting picking them to be on your team.

Me? I'm a workhorse. I'm an organizer. I'm a realist, too. I always know there's going to be at least one person's who not up to snuff in a team and I know it's best to start working around that person.

I think I should be more confrontational about things, but I've learned that being diplomatic is usually the best course of action.

Oh, yeah. I'm a big fan of diplomacy...though, when I'm pissed, I'm more of a, "If you've got something to say, say it to my face" type of gal.

I've kind of got a road map planned out in my head of how I want things to go this year. Nothing's set in concrete, but I actually feel more in control for once...like there's no need to panic.

Has anyone been watching that new David Arquette show, "In Case of Emergency"? I think the premise is brilliant. It's about these four high school friends who come together again only to discover that life isn't the way they thought it'd be once they grew up.

There's this hilarious scene where David Arquette is buying a handgun:



Jason: I'm looking for a handgun, a reasonably priced, lightweight not too flash.
Gunstore Clerk: Well, what do you want it for?
Jason: I'm gonna blow my brains out.
Gunstore Clerk: I've got just the thing.

The show's up against American Idol, so I'm kind of worried about how it's going to struggle with its ratings.

Let's hope ABC doesn't axe it.

On a somewhat related note, I saw David Arquette on Ellen the other day and he's so cute. He's really funny and giddy and nice...nothing like his wife, Courtney, who came off looking so stiff and awkward and standoff-ish when she was on teh show. Her arms were crossed over her chest and she was answering in this defensive tone and she just seemed so awkward that you wanted to kick her off the set already.

It was that painful.

I've been joking around with my kid sister that the main message I'm getting from all these self-help tapes that mom got from work is this: you can get anything you set your mind to...so, if you really want someone, you just have to be like David Sedaris, shake your fist at the sky and say, "As God as my witness, he will be mine!"

Yeah.

That just kind of makes me sound like a stalker-in-training or something...and we all know how much I hate that kind of behaviour. (Though, really, who likes it?)

If I'm more accurate, though, it's really that co-dependent sort of behaviour that I really hate. I just don't like it when someone depends on you too much. I mean, unless you're family or a best friend I've known for 20 odd years, then what gives?

I was kind of weirded out when someone at work said something the other day, implying that she thought we were best friends or something.

And true to commitment-phobe form, I didn't want to talk to her anymore.

It's been this pattern in my life.

People weird me out when they start calling me everyday and depending on me too much to either listen to them or entertain them.

That's another thing I don't like...yes, I get the fact that a lot of people think I'm funny and amusing, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be funny all the time. Sometimes, you have an off day and you just don't want to talk to anybody.

Ain't nothing wrong with that.

But then there's the questions: are you okay? What's wrong? Is something going on? Are you mad at me?

*sigh*

It's such an effort to pretend to be happy all the time.

I'm sitting here, with a mug of coffee, trying to work on this proposal that's due on Tuesday and all I can think about is, "I think they're showing 90210 on TVtropolis right now."

I've been working on this stupid proposal all afternoon.

"Isn't it kind of last minute?" Sister 3 asked.

"What are you talking about? I've got the whole weekend," I told her.

Yeah, well, I won't have the whole weekend if I continue to pop downstairs to watch old re-runs of Golden Girls, Friends and 90210.

Oh, I also caught the last five minutes of MTV's "I'm With Rolling Stone", which was...intriguing. But then again, I've got the attention span of a fruit fly at the moment, so anything's intriguing for five minutes at a time.

I thought that Peter guy from Australia was kinda hot, though.

I digress.

So, anyway, yesterday, I was makeup shopping with a friend at Inglot --- this new makeup boutique that's popping up across Canada.

The salesgirl was telling us all about how they use minerals as opposed to talc and how the under makeup base is supposed to help give the appearance of new skin.

I almost wanted to just hold up a hand to shut her up and say, "You had me at 'new layer of skin'."

So, it was kind of an impulse buy --- the store was really nice, but there's really not much info about the new brand on the web. If you click on the link, you'll find next to nothing about the brand.

Up until now, I've been using CoverFX, which isn't too bad. The creator of the brand used to be a corrective makeup specialist at a Toronto-area hospital, where she helped people with either burns or scars or other skin disorders to learn how to cover up their injuries...I mean, that's the kind of thing that chips away a little at your self-esteem.

I really liked the concept of Lee Graff's brand and that's why I started using it.

But that one line..."new layer of skin". That's all I needed to hear.

The little you can find on message boards about Inglot will tell you that most makeup artists (who've bothered to post, anyway) consider the brand to be a M.A.C. wannabe and generally, not as good.

When I read that, I was like, "Fuck. Me and my stinkin' impulse purchases."

But you know what? I tried on the under makeup base and the pressed powder last night and I thought it was really great. I'm no makeup artist, but I liked the results and I think I'll probably go back and buy the under makeup base again after I run out.

Okay, back to work on the proposal.

Oh My God! I totally hate how my blog looks when I post via email. (And I'm too lazy to try and fix it so it'll look better.)

Okay. From now on, I'm going back to posting it old-school style. (Funny thing is, I was just writing a post about how I'm really quite old-school when it comes to a lot of things...so why venture into doing anything new?)

I'm putting off doing my first assignment, which is due next Tuesday.

I've become pretty anal when it comes to staying organized. I have not one, but two day planners --- one for work and that I carry around in my bag. I write a million reminders to myself each day and then check off each thing that gets done...and it helps me to feel like I'm staying on track.

Anyway, tonight, Anderson Cooper's got this special on child sex slaves. Y'all should watch it. I did a fair amount of ranting about it on my other blog --- you know, the one where I rant about things in the news.

Last night, I'd happened to catch a bit of MTV --- do they have this in the US, where they have all the VJs just sitting around, talking about shit? Okay, so it's not shit, but they just sit around and talk about stuff and sometimes have guests.

I used to think that sort of thing was really boring. I mean, I'd rather just listen to that sort of thing on talk radio, you know?

They were talking about bloggers...sort of.

Yeah, so I wrote about my thoughts on that.

What was cool was how this talk radio host whom I really admire actually read my blog and emailed me. I told my sister about it and she joked, "I bet you're going to keep that email forever, huh?"

No shit.

I didn't tell anybody else about it, 'cause that would have led to..."You have a blog! Where is it? Can I read it?"

And the answer would be: Um, NO! I might want to write crap about you.

I get enough flak from certain people about being "mean."

You know what, though? I'm not mean. I just tell the truth and the truth hurts, sometimes.

Anyways...I should get started on this assignment.

I'm reading this bio of Barbra Streisand now --- not really sure why I
picked it up. I mean, I'm not really a fan or anything, though, I have
to admit I really liked "The Mirror Has Two Faces" and "The Way We
Were". (Though, what's up with her fixation on her nails? A long time
ago, I started cutting my nails really short, 'cause I hated how
they'd press into my palm as when I wrote and I just really preferred
keeping them short for when I was typing. Though I have no proof of
this, I think I type faster with my nails short. Hmmm...don't know how
this happened, but it looks like I forgot to cut the nails for two of
my fingers on my right hand. They're a little bit longer than the
rest...what's up with that?)

Does A&E still do "Biography"? Last night, while channel surfing, I
noticed CSI: Miami was on during that time slot. You know, I really
wish they'd just do original productions on these specialty channels
instead of doing repeats of shows from other networks. That being
said, I probably would have never gotten into Northern Exposure if
they weren't airing it everyday --- I used to love doing that: getting
through an entire series all in one go, watching it every day. Don't
judge, but I actually watched all of Voyager that way, too --- and say
what you will about the Star Trek franchise, but I actually though
that series was the best.

So, yesterday night was the return of Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls.
The latter comes on at 10 p.m. and I didn't think I'd be able to stay
up any longer so I just headed off to bed, where I sat up and finished
up some reading for class. (I did program Gilmore Girls for viewing
tonight, though.)

So...Veronica Mars.

Why, oh, why aren't there more people watching this show? I think it's
even better than Gilmore Girls and...wait for it...I like it a little
bit better than Grey's Anatomy. You want to know why? Because as much
as I love Grey's and Gilmore Girls, Veronica's the only female
character out there who isn't prone to extreme stupidity when it comes
to the opposite sex. She's tough, she's smart, and she never becomes a
simpering rescue-me type of gal, you know?

She's the kind of girl who gets herself out of her own messes and
doesn't waste time mooning about and moping and acting like an
annoying little twit over a guy. (Meredith, anyone?)

And another thing --- she's not annoying the way Lorelai can be
annoying sometimes. I mean, Lorelai can be clever and quick-witted,
but she can also be annoying. Veronica pulls off clever and
quick-witted without becoming annoying.

Plus, I think Kirsten Bell's a better actress.

Last night, there was this one part that really caught my attention.
She says, "Why bother with something that's not good just
because...it's something?"

Good question.

You know what I don't get?

People who don't have the sense to move all the way into a train
(especially when it's not crowded, but there IS a crowd waiting on the
platform) and who, instead, choose to plant themselves like concrete
slabs right by the doors so it's difficult for the rest of us to
squeeze our way inside before the doors chime and start closing in on
us.

And if you're one of the people who do that, then YOU SUCK. You
obviously have some sort of brain deficiency --- you know, where LOGIC
is supposed to reside.

And another thing --- why, oh, why do some people muddle around like
lemmings when something doesn't work instead of doing the logical
thing, which is calling the helpdesk? What the hell's wrong with
people? Why do they continue to stand there, looking for help from me
when I'm clearly not qualified to answer that question and I've
already provided the most logical answer: CALL HELPDESK. Call the
people who know.

Idiots.

Anyways, apparantly, January 22 is supposed to be the worst day of the
year. Other sites say it's January 23 or 24...I think what counts is
if it falls on a Monday.

Sometimes, you just wake up and you're in a foul mood (might be
period-related) and you just want to literally bite off someone's head
--- the first person who comes along to say something that pisses me
off.

Like there's this one woman here...she's so co-dependent! She can't
even go to the friggin' washroom unless she has someone to go with
her.

Freak.

You know what amuses me?

When they bleep out swear words in songs on the radio.

Like, they're playing Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" right
now and they bleeped out "fucked up".

Yeah, I have no idea why I decided to mention it.

Sometimes, when you look back on old journal entries, it's those
little things that kind of amuse you and they count just as much in
constructing the story of who you are, right?

Okay, maybe I shouldn't attempt to do any deep thinking right now.

You know what I realized? I haven't listen to the radio in a long time
--- as in music on the radio. I mean, I listen to a lot of talk radio
--- and what's up with all those people who call in who have nothing
intelligent to say? You can tell that they know and the host knows and
everybody else knows that they sound like morons, stammering and
stuttering, making no damn sense at all and you just want to shake
your head and ask, "Why? Why'd you decide to call in and make a fool
of yourself?"

But I digress.

I didn't know the Goo Goo Dolls had a new song...or is it really an
old song and I've just been, like, out of the loop?

I don't really keep tabs of what's on the charts right now --- like,
if I hear a song on the radio or on a show that I love, then I'll just
download it.

Grey's Anatomy, of course, has a great soundtrack, but you know what
I'm loving more and more these days? "Men In Trees". Yeah, it's kind
of a rip-off of "Northern Exposure" --- probably more so than "Sex and
the City" (even though a couple of people who worked on "Sex and the
City" are now producing and writing "Men In Trees") but I find it
really charming.

Thursday is always my main TV night.

So...yeah, as stupid as this sounds, I always look forward to
Thursdays because of this.

Yeah, so it seems I really have nothing to say this morning. So, I'll end here.

So.

 

Last night, I discovered I'd been unceremoniously booted out of a group project for this course I'd recently enrolled in.

 

So, maybe I'm being naive (for a change) and giving people the benefit of the doubt, but I think the way the groups were supposed to be set up (through the discussion board) was confusing. You've got maybe 27 threads to wade through and then there's also the discovery that a couple of other women also go by the same nickname as me.

 

Okay, fine. Whatever.

 

It's just like being back in grade school, though, where you're sitting in class and it's time to pick teams and you're just thinking, "Please don't pick me last, please don't pick me last, please don't pick me last."

 

I don't like group work.

 

If I was a teacher, I'd never allow kids to pick teams.

 

You don't get to pick your teams when you're out working in the real world. You're assigned to a team and that's it. You're forced to work together. End of story --- if you're stuck with a difficult person, tough nuts. This is what group work's all about --- learning to work together as a group.

 

If I was a teacher, I'd even go as far as to split up the popular kids and put them in competition with each other --- give those little bastards and bitches a real lesson. It's not personal, it's business.

 

I don't know how I'd be as a teacher. That's just one profession that never crossed my mind when attempting to discover what I wanted to be when I grew up.

 

Well...now I'm grown up and I'm still struggling to find my way.

 

That kind of sucks...no, wait. That's negative. Let's try and get through today without spiralling into a foul mood, shall we?

 

So the thing is, I kind of took a deep breath and thought, "Well, even if it proves difficult to find another group to join, the point is, I'll have to be accepted somewhere. And in a few months time, this course will be over and this stupid group assignment will be over and all will be right with the world again."

 

But, wait. Another thing...those friggin' publishing houses are jokes! They have these stinkin' internships where you only get this piddlin' amount that's basically chump change in exchange for work experience. Um...yeah. That kind of practice pisses me off.

 

Okay...think happy thoughts. I just had a to delete a whole line of expletives, describing what my thoughts are of publishing houses.

I was just in a meeting at 2 p.m. with one of the managers.

 

His office was so suffocatingly hot that I felt so sleepy and I didn't understand a single thing he said.

 

His voice was, like, hypnotic.

 

I'm sure I looked stoned --- eyes glazed over, mind not quite there.

 

And then, when I got back to my area, I was still so sleepy that I walked right into one of those boxes for paper shredding and I hurt my arm.

The big news today is obviously Barack Obama's presidential bid...even if I'm not American. I mean, you have to admit that with Hilary Clinton expected to throw her hat into the ring that it's going to be one really interesting race...and it's pretty obvious that a Republican has a snowball's chance in hell of winning the presidency in the next election. (Yeah. I don't know what's up with me and the use cliches today.)

 

Yeah, that's the big news...though I guess most people would be more interested in the Golden Globes and who wore what and who showed up with whom.

 

Here's something small that got buried in the transit paper yesterday about Leonardo Di Caprio...which kind of led me to think, "You disgust me." I mean, here's an actor who makes millions of dollars and who, in general, seems contemputuous of the Hollywood scene and who has done a really great thing by supporting causes like the environment, and yet...he takes the swag offered at the Golden Globes.

 

Um, it's not like you can't afford to buy it yourself! He just comes off looking cheap and greedy.

 

He needs to take a page out of Edward Norton's book and just say no and force this kind of crap to be banned.

 

Here's the article:

 

 

Leonardo Di Caprio Gets Free Stuff, Doesn't Give Back
15-Jan-2007
Written by: Jeannine Coppola

Actor enters gift suite, but refuses to follow its rules.

E! Online and TMZ.com report that at a Golden Globes gift suite on Thursday, actor Leonardo Di Caprio and his model Israeli girlfriend, Bar Refaeli brought back a ton of free items, but refused to let vendors take a picture of them.

The event was held at the Friars Club in Beverly Hills, where over 40 vendors offered free items including jewelry, handbags, shoes and barbecues to celebrities. In return, the stars are traditionally supposssed to take pictures with the vendors so they can then use these photos to market their products, making it a win-win situation for all. However, Di Caprio did not feel like following these rules.

Di Caprio apparently got a free lease on a Ford Escape Hybrid and made sure his girlfriend got one, too. He also picked up a Vidalia grill, a Spaulding Custom NBA backboard, a gift certificate to the Ikon Art Studio, a Barbar hair dryer and a Scene It? DVD game, while Refaeli walked away with an orange minidress from Heidi Merrick, Bodyography cosmetics, Mizrahi shoes, and a Bella Bear.

Although Leo's publicist claims his client, the Golden Globe nominee for both "The Departed" and "Blood Diamond", was there to support Global Green, one of the organizations the GBK Productions suite will be making donations to along with Padres Contra El Cáncer, Hollywood Habitat for Humanity, Educating Young Minds and AmberWatch Foundation, DiCaprio told all vendors that no one was allowed to take his picture. HIs representive went on to say that people offered Leo the free stuff and Global Green agreed that his picture would not be taken.

Most of the vendors did not seem to have a problem with DiCaprio not adhereing to the suite's rules except for designer-to-be, Glenn Laiken, who owns Alandales mens clothing store. He apparently told Leo, ""I would love to make a custom shirt for you, but I understand you don't want any photos taken." To which the actor replied, "We have many other people here to see. I may be back", but he never returned. Di Caprio may have made out like a bandit, but he was seen signing dozens of autographs, which have a high market value.

I really don't understand how someone can smell so bad and not even know it.

 

There was this guy who sat down behind me on the train and it was like...if I took a steel wool brush and scoured him down and peeled off five layers of skin, he'd still stink. It was like that deep fried oil stench, you know?

 

What the hell are you doing eating deep fried stuff every day, man???? Don't you know it's not good for you?!

 

The thing is, I started feeling like the stench molecules were leaping off his clothes and his body and attaching themselves to me. But did I get up and move? No. I just sat there, feeling like my skin was crawling and that I now probably smelled exactly like him.

 

*sigh*

 

So, here's a question:

If you needed to talk to a co-worker and went over to their desk to find them on the phone, would you stick around and hover and wait for them to get off or would you leave and come back after they were done their phone call?

 

Okay, if you opted for the first scenario, you're just weird.

 

No...not so much weird as SOCIALLY AWKWARD.

 

There's this girl at work who does that.

 

She annoys me.

 

I hate how she's such a low-talker that you practically have to press your ear right up against her mouth to hear what she's saying. And then there's the way she walks --- she's a tall, gangly thing and she hunches over like the friggin' Hunchback of Notre Dame. And then there's the no-eye contact thing! She's always got her head down and her eyes averted.

 

I just find it so annoying because when I was a kid, I used to be shy and then, even after I grew out of it, I still got labelled as "shy" --- that was my label.

 

I mean, please --- don't confuse "I don't care much about talking to you" with "I'm shy and quiet."

 

*sigh*

 

Yeah.

 

I'm in a crabby mood today.

Awhile back, I got this email about a password reset request for this blog...which kind of made me go, "Huh?" It made me wonder if someone had actually tried to figure out how to gain access to my blog...which makes no sense. I mean, it's not like email, where there's some private stuff.

 

Not sure why, but I found myself thinking about it again this morning.

 

I started the publishing course on Saturday.

 

As soon as the words "group project" was mentioned, I just sort of felt like holding up both hands and going, "I'm done."

 

I don't know what it is about group work that's always made me feel dread. I mean, I don't get it because I'm okay with it at work. Maybe it's because nothing really changes --- you're with the same core group of people day in and day out. But with school? It's different.

 

I've also been thinking a lot about my years in high school and university, how I always wanted them to be over with --- or like Dwayne said in "Little Miss Sunshine", I just wanted to sleep through it and wake up once it was over with.

 

(Watched it over the weekend and I think it's one of those movies that you either love or that you hate. I thought it was cute.)

 

I actually like where I am now.

 

I just forget that I chose to do this certificate, you know? And the last course I did, there was no group work. But this?

 

Crap. I'm so sleepy today. I don't know how long I've been staring at the same sentence...and who knows if my eyes were even really open?

 

Where was I?

 

Oh, right.

 

The thing I don't like about group projects --- when you don't know anybody in the class --- is that nagging sense of not wanting to be the odd person out that nobody wants in their group.

 

God. I'm two years away from 30 and I'm actually worried about something like this?

 

It's kind of stupid, isn't it?

 

A part of me is wondering why I'm doing this...right...the need to explore different avenues in the hope of finding a career that DOESN'T make me want to slit my wrists.

 

I don't know...it's like, somewhere along the way, you kind of convince yourself that you're just enduring something and that you're blandly accepting the way things are and that life isn't meant to be all sunshine all the time.

 

Ugh.

 

I'm at work right now and I think I'm suffering from pre-PMS or something.

 

Yeah. That's right. Pre-PMS.

 

Why-oh-why does that little old woman across from me have to drink from a friggin' squeeze bottle? Why doesn't she unscrew the cap and drink from the opening rather than sucking and slurping noisily?

 

Today --- especially today --- I feel like I shouldn't be held liable if I wind up boxing someone in the face.

I'm finding this whole new year's resolution to be less negative to be one uphill battle, man. Positive thinking --- who knew it'd be so hard?

 

I was sitting on the subway when a woman began snorting like she was trying to hock up some phlegm (though, where she intended to get rid of it, I had no idea...I mean...she wouldn't swallow it back down again, right? Or would she? I don't know...people are nasty) and I tried to wipe the pained expression off my face as I thought over and over again, "Happy place. Go to your happy place."

 

Who knew the happy place isn't really anywhere except me thinking "happy place" as if they were the magic words?

 

It's only day 12 of 2007. A friend of mine remarked yesterday that this positive thinking thing doesn't translate into instant gratification. That's why it's hard-going.

 

The other day, as I was talking about the whole "I need to change" thing with another friend, I paused mid-way through and said, "I sound like I'm on crack, don't I?"

 

Someone just walked past --- the woman I only know as "The Perpetually Drunk One"...and even then, it's only known by me, 'cause the smart person knows you don't go trash talking someone you don't know behind their back if you know what's good for you --- and she was saying, "We're a team! We're a team! There's no "I" in team."

 

I almost piped up and said, "Yes, but there's a "me" if you jumble up the words."  (That was from "House"...and yes, I fully realize that I'm one of those people who annoys the Best Friend, with the constant regurgitation of quotes from TV shows and movies.)

 

So, I've enrolled into a course in the interests of pursuing a new career, eventually. At the registrar's office the other day, during my lunch hour, I felt a wave of irritation as I waited in line.

 

Between thinking, "Happy place, go to your happy place" I found myself thinking about how it must be a job requirement to be either a sour-faced, miserable old white woman who remains stone-faced even when flashed my most charming smile OR you have to be an insufferable young thing who thinks she's too good for the job she's performing. (Which just made me want to rear my hand back and box her squarely in the face before telling her, "You stupid cow. Welcome to the real world. We ALL hate our jobs. Grow up.")

 

I almost wanted to shove my form back at them and say, "Fuck it. I don't need this. I'll just learn to deal with being unhappy in my job."

 

The day I graduated from university was one of the best in my life. Why? Because at that moment, I thought, "YES!!! No more homework! No more essays! No more mid-terms! I say, 'No MORE!'"

 

What the hell am I doing?

 

I'm listening to my Keane CD and the track "Crystal Ball" right now. There's this part that goes, "Oh crystal ball, crystal ball. Save us all. Tell me life is beautiful."

 

Yeah. That's what I want, too.

A guy on my team got fired last night.

 

He's an older guy and I guess the team lead --- who's a jack ass, by the way --- thought there were some concerns because he seemed to need more training than the rest of us.

 

Um, yeah...about that...NONE OF US WERE PROPERLY TRAINED. That joke you call a training department? It's like the blind leading the blind. The fact that the company brought in outside people to be our team leads is ANOTHER EXAMPLE of the blind leading the blind.

 

And what the hell is the point of a union if nobody's going to step up and speak up for us? As far as I'm concerned, all the union does for us is take money out of our pay every pay period. I don't even know who the hell is our union rep.

 

And why on a Monday?

 

If you're going to fire someone, have the decency to do it on a Friday so that they have time to collect their stuff and leave and have two days of not having to face everybody...but not on a bloody Monday when they know that tomorrow, everybody's gonna come in, see your stuff still on your desk and know without a doubt that you've been canned.

 

What is it? A scare tactic to overwork us even more?

 

I can't believe this.

 

Yeah, I guess shit happens, and it's just the way of the world, but if it was me who ran this joint (though, technically, it's the government that runs this joint...so it's not like I'd ever really be able to have the opportunity to run this place), I wouldn't have done it this way. I mean, the CEO wastes paper by sending each one of us a thank you note at Christmas. Wasted paper and money!

 

Send an e-mail --- it's more environmentally friendly.

 

*sigh*

 

I'm just so disgusted right now.

 

ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE...got a really nice note from Judy Mosher, who helped write a 2004 documentary about Treacher Collins, who agreed with me that TLC does a really bad job of naming its documentaries featuring people with rare illnesses and disorders.

 

Even though it was only yesterday that I wrote it...was it yesterday? I can't remember...which is funny since everyone jokes that I'm the longest memoried person they know...but anyway, I'm not really sure what kind of title I'd come up with in place of the ones used.

 

I guess I'd focus more on the positive aspects of the person's character. Like for Rose Siggins, I would have said something her strength of character...but not friggin' "The Woman With Half A Body", for God's sake. I mean, I didn't even tune into the program because I noted it on TV guide and thought, "Cool. I'll watch that."

 

I channel surfed my way to TLC --- same as with the other documentary about the Wetmore family.

So, the thing is, I had these two zits that I thought I could shrink at the very least, using my sister's prescription topical cream.

 

And while I was dabbing it on, I thought, "Huh. While I'm at it, I might as well put a thin film over the rest of my face."

 

Um, yeah.

 

I looked like I'd had a really bad chemical peel done and even today, it still looks pretty rough. If I could, I would have combed my hair in front of my face and walked around looking like Cousin It from the Addam's Family. Or maybe I should have just worn a really broad-rimmed hat with a veil, just like Samantha did in that episode of Sex and the City where she did that chemical peel.

 

"I wanted to look super fresh," she tells Carrie.

 

I caked on the make-up today but what's gross is that I can see bits of skin peeling.

 

I know. Ew. Ew. Ew. You're gagging right now, just picturing it, aren't you?

 

For the love of God, why did I feel compelled to write about this?

 

Lesson of the day is this: if you have a zit, let it be. It'll go away on its own eventually. Otherwise, you wind up doing something stupid like making your face look like you've suffered third degree burns. Okay. I exaggerate. Second degree, maybe.

 

Enough to make small children scream.

Don't know what it is with TLC and the way they name their programs. Like, last night, when they aired, "The Woman With Half A Body", featuring Rose Siggins, who was born with Sacral Agenesis, a rare disorder that caused her to be born with severely deformed legs that had no feeling in them and feet that pointed in opposite directions. With her life in danger, her mother made the informed medical decision to have both legs amputated.

 

Okay. Yes. I suppose the name of the program was apt, but...couldn't they have found something that sounded a little less freak-show-like?

 

It was like when I watched that other show a few weeks ago...I think it was called something like, "Born Without A Face" and talked about Juliann Wetmore, the child born with Treacher Collins.

 

Anyway, I was flipping from that to "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" during commercials and I kept thinking that if any family deserved to be on that show it was the Siggins family, 'cause what that woman does is amazing.

 

After her mother died, she moved her husband and son back to her childhood home so she could take care of her father, who has Alzheimer's, and her mentally disabled brother. And through it all, she's got this positive attitude that just makes you pause for a moment and think, "Wow."

 

Here's a blurb I found floating on the Internet:

"

Born with a rare genetic disorder known as Sacral Agenesis, Rose had severely deformed legs with feet pointing in opposite directions. There was no feeling in the legs and, as a child, she was in danger of harming herself. When she was two years old her mother, after consulting with the doctors at the hospital, decided that the best course of action was to have the legs amputated. This insightful decision by her mother allowed Rose to lead a fairly normal childhood.

Rose grew up, with her mentally handicapped brother, in Peublo, Colorado. Rose believes her parents made the right choice as she cannot imagine being confined to a wheelchair. She describes her physical condition in her own way "If you take a Barbie doll and remove it's legs, the region you are left with is what I have. I have all the female working organs, the only reason I sit shorter or more compact, as people say, is because I'm missing four sections of my spinal column".

Rose's great passion in life is cars. All things automotive, cars, trucks and V-8 engines have been a big part of her life since she started playing with her father's toolbox at the age of 3. When she was sixteen, her parents bought her a car. A used car which Rose and her father adapted with hand controls so that Rose was able to drive herself around. She is rebuilding a 1968 Mustang which she plans to race.

For years, the administrators at the local school forced Rose to wear artificial legs, they wanted her to look like everybody else. When she was in eighth grade she rebelled and refused to wear her prosthetic limbs, turning up for school on her skateboard. She wanted to be normal, and her normal is Rose who walks on her hands and has no legs. After meeting with her parents who were being very supportive, and realising that Rose was very stubborn, the school relented and allowed her to return, without her prosthetics.

In 1997 Rose met Dave Siggins who worked in an auto-parts store, they flirted over the phone and their relationship quickly blossomed, but it was going to put Rose's life in danger. When they decided to get married, Dave joked with her that she didn't have to worry about getting cold feet. Rose and Dave were married in 1999, it was her dream come true. It was a traditional white wedding and Dave, still joking, pointed out that the cake was bigger than she was. Rose and Dave lead a normal sex life, the only comment Dave has made are that the legs don't get in the way.

Two years into their relationship, Rose discovered that she was pregnant. Rose's pregnancy was extraordinary and ground-breaking, no-one with Sacral Agenesis had ever given birth. The only doctor who didn't advise Rose to have an abortion was Dr. Wilson who says "This couple have committed themselves to a pregnancy and she is, basically, laying her life on the line because nobody knows what this means, no-one has lived this experience before. With the first counselling with Rose and David I was very specific and told them that they have to know that if they move forward with this that she could die." The main concerns were with her lungs being compressed, as the baby was likely to grow up the way because of her short stature. The other concern was how she would tolerate a caesarean delivery, because the baby was lying transversely she would have to be opened across the top, a true 19th century caesarean delivery. Rose told her mum that if there were any complications and there was a choice between her life and the baby's, she should choose the baby.

Having given birth to a miracle baby, Rose was about to experience a terrible tragedy. Luke had just celebrated his second birthday when Rose's mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She held the family together, provided an emotional pillar, and organised the vital day-to-day running of the house. Her death had a disastrous effect on everyone around her. Rose's father had already had the onset of Alzheimer's and dementia so he, like her brother, didn't understand what was happening. It became apparent that Rose was next in line to run the family and do everything her mother had done. As well as looking after her son and husband, Rose now cares for her dad and brother. Rose's dad, James, has smoked all his life and now has to rely on a constant supply of oxygen. He is also suffering from schizophrenia and the onset of Alzheimer's.

Her brother, James, is 29 years old but has the mental age of an 8 year old. He's on psychotropic medication, needs regular supervision, and has occasional violent outbursts. Despite his mental health problems, Jimmy is holding down a cleaning job in the local taxi office. While everything is going well at work, Jimmy's erratic behaviour at home is about to get him into trouble. Unbeknown to Rose, her dad had allowed Jimmy to take his Cadillac to work, Jimmy doesn't drive so the inevitable had to happen, so now Rose has to fix the Cadillac.

Rose has great moral strength and a remarkable attitude she says "A lot of people with disabilities feel that life owes them something, and I was raised in a way that no, no-one owes you a dime. The world doesn't owe you anything, this is what you have and you use your resources and you get through life. My personal opinion is, get up and go for it, just do it."

Rose's story as a woman who has overcome bewildering obstacles and succeeded despite seemingly impossible odds is a real life example of the American dream. However, away from the limelight and behind a determined self-assurance there's another side to Rose. With the usual day-to-day problems and the added stress of Jimmy's erratic behaviour Rose is feeling the strain.

She takes refuge in the garage where she can oversee the installation of a new V-8 engine in her Mustang. At last after weeks of hard work Rose feels the Mustang is ready to hit the race track, which will be another life-long ambition achieved.

Note: The condition Sacral Agenesis may sound like or be incorrectly spelt as sacrillo genesis or sacralla genesis.

CREDITS: All of the above information came from the UK television's Channel 5 series entitled "Extraordinary People"

I think it was just a few days ago that I read this little blurb about how 44-year-old Demi Moore would like to have kids with her twenty-something hubby, Ashton Kutcher.

 

Okay. Fine.

 

The other day, there was this discussion about China's revamped rules for adopting. So, now, if you're fat, too old, single or gay, then you're deemed unfit to become a parent.

 

Bill Carroll on CFRB contended that maybe China has it right --- as unfair as it might seem.

 

At first, I was irritated because I'd always thought of Plan B as adopting and becoming a single parent. Okay, so that's a no-go. Does that mean I'd make a bad parent? I don't know. I mean, to a certain extent, everybody who wants to have kids thinks they'll make a good parent...but isn't it all a crap shoot?

 

Watching that PBS special on Annie Leibovitz the other day and learning that she had her first kid at 52 and later, twins through a surrogate, I kind of had to wonder...just because you have the money and the desire to become a parent, does it make it right? Is it the responsible thing to do?

 

You know my thoughts on adoption --- with all the children out there in the world living in orphanages right now, I think that any person who claims to desperately want kids and to become a parent should consider adoption first. Otherwise, maybe you don't really want kids as badly as you thought. I mean, shouldn't a parent's love be a selfless one? Instead of going through IVF and whatnot, why not consider adoption?

 

If you believe in God, then maybe you might want to consider that there's a child out there, waiting in an orphanage or a foster home for you to come along and become his or her family. Maybe that's God's plan for you. Maybe He thinks you have a big enough heart to love a child regardless of whether they share the same blood as you.

 

That's just how I feel about it and I'm deeply unapologetic about MY thoughts about this.

 

Anyways...in other stuff...

 

My sister was late coming home last night because her boyfriend's friend was in a car accident.

 

The friend called the boyfriend.

 

I was like, "Huh? What?"

 

If you're in your early twenties and still living at home, why wouldn't you call your parents?

 

I remarked, "He's probably not close to his parents if he doesn't think to call them first."

 

My sister thought I was talking stupid. But am I? If you're barely out of your teens and you still live at home, I'd think the first call would be to your parents...if you're close to them.

 

You know, I've gotta say that a lot of my sister's friends' parents are from Hong Kong and the way they've raised their kids, I just have to shake my head half the time and ask, "What's going on here? Where are your parents? Why don't your parents care where you are? Do your parents even care at all?"

 

Granted, not all parents from Hong Kong are like that, but the ones who think nothing of spoiling their kids and whose children grow up to be spoiled and materialistic, don't really seem to be around to actually parent their children...and if you're not going to be around for your kids, then why bother having them to begin with?

...on CFRB, they were talking about this couple who saw a taxi driver urinating in public and they felt it was their responsibility to tell the guy off, who was so pissed off, he decided to ram his taxi into their car.

 

So, they had this big discussion about how gross it is to urinate in public...and this one guy calls in and said that the water bill was so high from each time you flush the toilet, that he decided to pee outside in his backyard and he's thankful for his lower water bill.

 

The host paused and then said, "That's gotta be the cheapest thing I've ever heard."

 

And get this! There was this other woman, a self-proclaimed nudist, who says she putters around in her backyard in the nude and that if she feels the need to pee, she just squats down behind a bush and does her business right there!

 

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE????!!!!!!!

First off, I don't like Ashton Kutcher --- I find he plays up the idiotic buffoon role that he's usually pidgeon-holed into and his ventures like "Punk'd" are a stupid waste of time. And when "Beauty and the Geek" first came out and I knew Ashton Kutcher was attached to it, I knew that was one show I wasn't going to waste my time and brain cells on.

 

Channel surfing last night, I caught a bit of the latest season, which premiered yesterday. And while there's probably loads of blogs out there devoted to bashing the show in and making fun of the participants, here's what my real beef is:

 

Why the hell do they feel the need to put in little description underneath the names, as if that really defines the person? For the so-called "beauties", you get their occupation. But then, for the geeks, you've got stupid descriptions like, "Owns over 25,000 comic books". But what REALLY incensed me was how one guy had, "Virgin" underneath his name.

 

So...what? That makes you a geek? That's something we're supposed to point at and laugh over? Because, c'mon, let's face facts: we're supposed to watch this show and see these "geeks" as pathetic losers who are somehow "less than" the rest of us; like their social ineptness makes them lesser people or something.

 

That just PISSED. ME. OFF.

 

This is what we're going to waste our time watching? Really?

 

If you could see me now, you'd see the same look of disbelief that Anderson Cooper had on his face when he was viewing the clips of Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump verbally bashing each other.

Dear Me,

Since this is the first (well, really the second, if you want to count the test) email post and it sort of feels like I'm writing to myself, then I'm going to address it as such.

 

It's actually kinda cool writing to myself, because before, it was like I was writing to those people who occassionally cyber surf their way onto this blog...which is kinda cool, I guess, but then I get all in my own head about how boring these posts are. I guess part of the problem is that I write too much in general. Maybe the key is cutting down the blogs and just having the one, and in which case, it probably wouldn't be this one that I keep. But then again, with the other blog, I mostly have something or another to bitch about.

 

You want to know what's weird? When I was in j-school, I was never a news junkie. Picking up a newspaper was a chore. But now? It's like, "What's happening today?" And what's more is this interest in local news. Like those two people who got shot in the face...it's like, holy shit! Is this the way it's going to play out now? People open their doors and they get shot in the face?

 

While I'm really into talk radio and reading the news and I love writing, I don't think I'd ever want to attempt to get back into journalism. Kudos to those who've made it --- though God knows some of you don't know how to write --- but it's not really for me.

 

I kind of think, sometimes, that if I could have done it over again, I would have probably gone into something else. Maybe photography. Though...I would have probably wound up in the same place that I'm at now. Or maybe not. The thing is, I'll never know and there's really no sense in pondering the what ifs, is there?

 

One of my New Year's resolutions was to keep in mind that what's past is past. Let go.

 

Okay. Time to get on with the business of working.

 

This Is Just A Test

Hmmm...emailing your posts sounds relatively idiot-proof.

 

Then...how come I feel like such an idiot with this?

It's weird, but when people say, "Happy New Year!", it's like I get this mental block and I can't seem to say the words back right away. It's like I'm fumbling around for the words and instead of repeating what I've just heard, I'll just lamely reply, "Yeah, you, too."

Reading the free transit paper this morning, one of the columnists wrote that the new year isn't just another day, another month; it's a symbolic start and opportunity to change, blah blah blah. (Don't know why I turn my nose up at journos who write for the free transit papers...I mean, they've obviously made it where I failed.)

There's no statutory holiday until...what? March?

Good God.

My horoscope says I'm too pessimistic and that I'm ignoring signs that the universe is realigning itself and that 2007 will be a better year; apparently, my sign's been in a bad position since July 2005.

Yeah. It's kind of a joke that someone as jaded and cynical as me still checks out the horoscopes every day. That, and the advice columnist --- but that's mostly to shake my head over people who are more fucked up than me.

Watched "An Inconvenient Truth" over the holidays --- that was the only must-see film of 2006. It kind of makes you sick, actually, when you realize you're just as guilty, being ambivalent about the climate changes taking place.

This morning, there was this article on the free daily --- right on the front page --- about how December in Toronto has been the warmest one yet but the climatologist they interviewed went, "Oh, no. This isn't climate change." Um, okay. If there's anything that I took away from "An Inconvenient Truth" it's that one thing affects another and in the end, it all has to do with global warming.

Okay. That's probably generalizing and oversimplifying, but you get the gist. You just start feeling like, "I'm not going to be just another one of those dumbasses who don't even read these articles and who think, 'Global warming doesn't matter.'"

Sometimes, I think we think too much about other stuff and blow them out of proportion so it consumes us and it becomes who we are...maybe it's time to let go of some of that stuff.

This year's gonna be different.

And yes. That was the Jaded & Cynical One being optimistic for a change.

Go buy a lotto ticket. Today might be your lucky day.