Saturday, October 06, 2007

It's Thanksgiving weekend and the weather forecast lied: it's raining and it's not pleasant. Instead, there's a heavy humidity that just hangs in the air.

I have a headache that comes and goes in waves and I found myself lying on the couch, watching The Pianist of all things.

In the journal that my friends and family know about -- it's where I mostly post my e-mails to them and my travel journal -- I've discovered that a co-worker has stumbled across it and he's been reading it. I'm not really sure how I feel about it, because on the one hand, it's not a horribly revealing journal, but on the other hand...it still feels weird.

Same goes for the fact that someone from the tour group that I travelled with has stumbled across this blog, too. She wrote to let me know -- and she mentioned that, at first, she thought it was The Best Friend who wrote the journal...not me. And for some reason, I felt a little annoyed at that.

Maybe, in my mind, I've always thought of myself as The Writer and my ability to express myself via the written word was always my thing. In some ways, it felt like the only thing that I had to hold onto.

It's just...well...I feel as though, The Best Friend was the one that others were instantly drawn to. She's just got that sort of personality. I'm more of the quiet type that you need to take the time to get to know...and sometimes, I wonder if maybe people look at me and just think that I'm not worth getting to know or something.

I suppose it's a self-esteem thing.

Yesterday, when SR and I were leaving the hospital after visiting with SA, a good looking guy was walking past us in the opposite direction. For the first time in a long time, I actually found myself locking eyes with someone and it startled me, almost, to see him smile at me.

It doesn't really mean anything...

Especially seeing as I've become increasingly unenthusiastic about dating.

When someone recently asked me out, I blew it off and started to ignore him...feeling as though it'd be easier to deal with things by simply not dealing with them...

It seemed easier to simply bury my head in the sand.

The neighbour's new dog is whining.

I have no idea why they got another dog when it seems as though they can barely take care of the first one they bought.

At least the first one didn't make as much damn noise.

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