Since coming back to Toronto last week, I've been in this weird mood -- I just don't really feel like hanging out with anybody.

I've been slowly pulling together a travel journal and posting that up -- and discovered through Site Meter that someone from work was reading that particular journal. It's really no biggie, since I don't really put anything too personal up there...nothing stupid like, "I fucking hate my job and the people who work there are all shitheads." Mostly, I've been posting up emails that I send to various friends because a few of them thought they were funny and thought I should put them in one place so that all of them could read it. Figured it'd make a lot of sense to have the travel journal up on the same site.

The thing about Wordpress and Site Meter, though, is that it shows you who's looking at your blog -- well, not specifically who...not like, "Brian Rogers in New Jersey" but rather, "New Jersey." And you can tell from the IP Address if it's probably the same person, you know?

So, the thing is, I guess someone found my journal and then forwarded the link to someone via Facebook and this person has been checking back on my journal for the last couple of days.

It's kinda weird.

Anyways...like I said, I don't have anything too personal beyond some pictures. I don't have delusions of grandeur and I don't believe a lot of people will actually read this blog, so I guess it's no biggie.

Onto other stuff...

So, my mother and aunt were really big on introducing me to this guy. My dad, in particular, has become somewhat panicked by the fact that I'm still single.

Yup. Still single. Nowhere near settling down and utterly dismissive of almost everyone that I date. And after the whole thing with the Office Guy, I just sort of feel...I don't know...blank, maybe? I really liked him and he didn't like me. Not at all. He actually treated me like shit when I think about it now.

So, now I'm here and I hate how old school all of this feels.

"Gimme your email address," my mother demanded while she was still on the phone with my aunt.

She didn't get why I was incensed and why I was so big on being given the common courtesy of being asked first. She didn't get how I felt like I was put on the spot and made to feel like I had no choice in the matter.

And after having been royally fucked over on the romance front one time too many, I can honestly say that I feel no hope whatsoever and I believe I'm smart enough to realize that the guy is most likely someone I'm not attracted to.

That's just how it works in my life.

I don't tend to spark a whole lot with all that many guys.

Anyways, the guy sent a couple of emails and they were...blah. And already, he's like, "You wanna meet up for coffee this weekend?"

A part of me feels like, "Just fucking get this over with." But another part of me feels like, "I don't want to hang out with anybody this weekend. At all."

Well, not only that, but I just find myself dragging my heels because I totally DON'T WANT TO DO THIS.

I know what KN would say to this; she'd tell me I should be more open-minded, blah blah blah.

At this point, I just couldn't be more unenthusiastic about dating anybody.

I've even gotten to a place where I don't really talk about the man situation with anybody -- not even with Sister 2, with whom I usually share everything with.

There's this other guy I used to work with and he's nice and good looking and I guess we're friends, but at the same time, he's too fresh off a break up and I don't know if we'd make a good fit even though a couple of former co-workers have always maintained that it seems like he likes me.

Yeah, that's all well and good, but if you don't like the person back -- not in the way they want --then what's the point of dwelling on it?

And then there's this other guy who seems like the male version of me. It's weird how much we have in common and how much we're on the same page about practically everything. But the thing is...I don't know if he's really al that interested in me as someone he'd like to date and get into a relationship with.

To be fair, though, I've been feeling pretty fucking ambivalent about the whole romance situation.

The only guy in the last little bit who sort of piqued my interest was a guy I met in Ireland...and I KNOW that this mostly had to do with the fact that I knew I'd never see him again.

How fucked up am I?