Dreamt about T last night --- which bothers me because I hadn't thought about him in a really long time.

You know when you start feeling like you're in a good place and that you've actually started to move on, but then you find yourself thinking about someone you just wish you could erase from your memory...sort of like what Jim Carrey tried to do in Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.



Sometimes, I think that if I could completely erase T from my mind, I would. But that was before --- before, when I used to wish he'd get an STD or that his career would fall apart or that he'd just do me a favour and fucking leave Toronto, you know?

It's weird how bitterness can just turn you into this horrible kind of person, you know? You get so stuck in feeling bad.

I once read, "Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

No shit.

That's exactly how I was living.

But now? Yeah, the dream kind of shook me up, but I can see now that maybe I should be glad that things turned out the way that they did. Who'd want to be with a horrible person who didn't recognize your worth, anyway? If you were still with that person, you'd never be open and available to meet the person you're supposed to be with.

That sort of thing.

If I had to see him now, I don't think I'd even have the energy to say anything to him. I'd rather we just both pretended the other didn't exist anymore.

Sometimes, pretending just makes it easier.