Manic Mondays

I actually made it to work on time-ish.

It's a bad habit of mine, thinking that I have plenty of time, when I don't. And the weird thing is that I get anxious when I think I'm gonna be late for anything that's not work-related. Like, for a date or something.

But now that I'm at work, there's really not much to do because my contract is winding down and pretty soon, I'll be off trying to find something new. And that's the thing I hate the most in this employment cycle I've always found myself in.

I've never had a full-time job with benefits.

In the past, it worked out fine because I always moved on when I got bored.

But now?

Maybe it's a by-product of getting older, but I'd like more stability.

I suppose that's the main reason I would have loved it if things could have worked out with A. The logical part of my brain knows that nothing's going to pan out with him now. Sure, we've met once and have plans to hang out again in a few weeks, but hanging out is not dating.

You know what's horrible?

It's when you see a lot of potential in someone and you can't suppress this sense of hope that bubbles up within you, making you think, "Maybe he's 'the one'" even though I don't know if I even really believe in "the one" anymore.

Another by-product of getting older?

I'm more jaded.

But that could definitely just be me.

I don't want to play games, waiting a few days to write someone or call someone. But at the same time, I feel like I'm completely confused where the dating game is concerned.

Maybe I've just gotten used to feel lonely and that's it.