How About When SHE'S Not That Into You?
I know this guy who listens to audio tape of "He's Just Not That Into You."
In that warped brain of his, I'm pretty sure he thinks he's gearing himself up to become the type of guy that all women would want. The only problem with that scheme of his is that it's more than just knowing how to decently treat a woman --- it's also about who you are as a person.
If you're a sad sack with zero confidence with cling-on tendencies, chances are, no woman in their right mind is going to want to be with you, even if you always call when you say you will or you make your intentions clear.
Bombarding someone you've just met with e-mails and mistakenly believing that friendliness equals being best friends forever is not a good way to go about things. Instead of appearing interested, you come off looking scary.
You might actually come off looking like some creepy stalker who just doesn't get it.
*
I posted about this problem in another journal and I was pretty annoyed with the male response. Some of them viewed it as a joke and one guy even wrote, "Playing hard to get, are you?"
Another guy reiterated his opinion that I was overreacting and that he really didn't see what the problem was with telling the guy that I wasn't interested --- I didn't want to be friends, I didn't want to be aquaintances, I didn't want to hang out anymore.
This really pissed me off because it made me realize that men just don't get it when it's not someone they care about who's dealing with something like this. It's something that's outside of them that they have no concept of because it doesn't touch their lives. They don't get it because they don't know what it's like to feel fear when someone starts to make you feel really uneasy and uncomfortable and persists in contacting you when you've tried alternately ignoring him and then sending a polite, but dismissive e-mail attempting to indicate that you're just not interested in maintaining contact anymore.
*
A friend's boyfriend suggested just ignoring Creepy Stalker Guy from now on.
He'll eventually get the hint, he said.
A friend who's a social worker, mentioned that one of the mistakes victims make with stalkers is attempting to let the person down easy and continuing contact --- even if it's to insist the other person stop writing or calling.
*
My mother actually acted like it was my fault, which made me really angry.
How is it my fault if I politely try to discontinue contact with someone who's started to behave like Velcro? How is it my fault that a man doesn't seem to get the fact that no response to a NORMAL person would indicate that the other person isn't interested in any sort of relationship? How is it my fault that this guy seems to be a glutton for punishment and actually calls after an e-mail is sent to basically say, "Piss off"?
It's such a typical Asian mother response.
It makes me so angry.
In that warped brain of his, I'm pretty sure he thinks he's gearing himself up to become the type of guy that all women would want. The only problem with that scheme of his is that it's more than just knowing how to decently treat a woman --- it's also about who you are as a person.
If you're a sad sack with zero confidence with cling-on tendencies, chances are, no woman in their right mind is going to want to be with you, even if you always call when you say you will or you make your intentions clear.
Bombarding someone you've just met with e-mails and mistakenly believing that friendliness equals being best friends forever is not a good way to go about things. Instead of appearing interested, you come off looking scary.
You might actually come off looking like some creepy stalker who just doesn't get it.
*
I posted about this problem in another journal and I was pretty annoyed with the male response. Some of them viewed it as a joke and one guy even wrote, "Playing hard to get, are you?"
Another guy reiterated his opinion that I was overreacting and that he really didn't see what the problem was with telling the guy that I wasn't interested --- I didn't want to be friends, I didn't want to be aquaintances, I didn't want to hang out anymore.
This really pissed me off because it made me realize that men just don't get it when it's not someone they care about who's dealing with something like this. It's something that's outside of them that they have no concept of because it doesn't touch their lives. They don't get it because they don't know what it's like to feel fear when someone starts to make you feel really uneasy and uncomfortable and persists in contacting you when you've tried alternately ignoring him and then sending a polite, but dismissive e-mail attempting to indicate that you're just not interested in maintaining contact anymore.
*
A friend's boyfriend suggested just ignoring Creepy Stalker Guy from now on.
He'll eventually get the hint, he said.
A friend who's a social worker, mentioned that one of the mistakes victims make with stalkers is attempting to let the person down easy and continuing contact --- even if it's to insist the other person stop writing or calling.
*
My mother actually acted like it was my fault, which made me really angry.
How is it my fault if I politely try to discontinue contact with someone who's started to behave like Velcro? How is it my fault that a man doesn't seem to get the fact that no response to a NORMAL person would indicate that the other person isn't interested in any sort of relationship? How is it my fault that this guy seems to be a glutton for punishment and actually calls after an e-mail is sent to basically say, "Piss off"?
It's such a typical Asian mother response.
It makes me so angry.
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