Jumping Around

I used to mock people who'd have three or four journals.

I just didn't get the point.

I started off with one on a site that had a dorky name --- but it wasn't all that nice to look at and I was HTML-illiterate so I didn't really have the tools to create something I'd prefer to look at. (Though I could have learned if I really wanted to.) And besides, what did it matter when it was just the words that mattered?

But then I moved on to yet another site with an equally silly name and this one was a little more interesting 'cause you could develop a community of sorts. And it was cool because you had this mini-support system and people could routinely leave you comments and stuff and it gave socially isolated malcontents the illusion that they belonged somewhere --- even if it was only in cyber space.

After awhile, though, it got hard 'cause people started looking to me to entertain them --- to be funny and witty. And sometimes, I just didn't want to be funny or entertaining. Sometimes, I was unhappy...but it felt weird to write about it. There was an illusion to keep up.

(I know. A part of me's thinking, "Oh, please. Just who do you think you are?")

So, then, I moved again. I kept the old journal to update in occassionally, but I primarily moved to this other site --- a more popular one with the same premise, but even then, I felt a little caged.

I'd moved here awhile back.

And it's quiet here. Nobody comments. I'm free to write whatever it is I want and yet...yet...sometimes, I feel like maybe my life isn't all that it could have been. I'm only 26 and I'm going on 27 now, but I feel like all the early promise of my youth has been smudged or wiped away.

And it makes me feel a little bit sad.

Just a little bit.