Just A Girl

The moment that I step outside
So many reasons
For me to run and hide
I can't do the little things I hold so dear
'Cause it's all those little things
That I fear
- No Doubt

I was at the subway station with my back pressed against the wall, hiding behind a pillar because I could see my freaky stalker standing a little further down the platform.

I was running late, getting out of the house and into work. As I dashed across the street (running in front of a car), some guy ran across the street at the same time. He jogged up to catch up with me and then fell in step with me.

He was a pudgy guy and I don't know why, but he really creeped me out. I tried to walk ahead, but he'd run up so that we were walking side by side again. I tried slowing down, but then he'd slow down, too.

I started getting this really uneasy feeling.

I realized that if something were to happen, nobody would be able to see me or even hear me.

The smart thing to do would have been to turn around and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Who cares if I was late? My gut instinct was to turn around and run away. But I (stupidly) thought, "I can see the gate. There'll be lots of people around once I get there. I shouldn't turn back now. That'll be a waste of time."

Thank God another guy came walking by at that moment. But he was walking in the other direction. As soon as he passed, the freaky guy stopped and said hi, sort of blocking my way. I mumbled hi and tried to walk around him, but he started asking me something --- something I couldn't understand at first because he had a really thick accent and I found his stare really unnerving.

He started getting really insistent and almost angry.

Finally, I understand what he's saying. He wants me to go to a motel with him. By then, I'm at the gate and all I want to do is actually run across the road, even though there's traffic. That's how freaked out I am and I just want to get the hell away from this freak.

Like, what the hell kind of nut job asks a complete stranger this kind of shit?

I try to walk a bit faster and ignore him.

But he continues to follow me...all the way to the bus stop. I hang back, a little, when the bus arrives and I wait for him to get on the bus. I pretend I'm getting on, too, but at the last minute, I step off and tell the driver I'll wait for the next one.

Unfortunately, by the time I arrive at the train station, the guy's there! Standing right there on the platform. I get really pissed, thinking, "Why is it that women have to go through this kind of bullshit? Men never have to get scared the way we do." I wanted to march over and push him right in front of the train. Not that I'm psychotic or anything and would ever do anything like that. But I was pissed because I was thinking about this freaky neighbour who used to follow my mom to work every morning. He tailed her like a shadow and during the summers, every time he saw me or my sisters, he'd come outside and just stand there on his driveway, staring at us.

It pissed the hell out of my dad, who went ape-shit and went over there to yell at the guy.

He stopped following my mom after that, but he still stares at us. Not from outside, but from his window. He draws back his curtain and he just stares.

I swear to God, if I have a daughter, I'm forcing her to take karate so she can kick a guy's ass to the curb if he even dares to try anything on her. Hell. I wish my own parents had done the same thing with me.

I don't know. Am I overreacting? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

I don't know...even before the guy said a single thing to me, I felt uneasy around him. Do you guys ever get that feeling? That feeling when you see someone for the first time and you just know that this is someone you should avoid? I guess it's the flip side of meeting someone who could potentially be "the one". I don't know. I guess.

People always say, "Don't judge a book by its cover" but I think that's bullshit.

I think your gut instinct is always the right one.

It's just too bad we try to reason away what our gut tells us sometimes.

Tomorrow, I'm going to take the long way around to the bus stop.