Today's Soundtrack:
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything...
- Sarah McLachlan, "Fallen"
Do you know how, when you've felt a certain way for a really long time, you start to forget what it was like before you felt this way?
I don't know when I stopped feeling excited and happy and full of anticipation about Christmas. I don't know when Christmas started becoming this time of year that just made me really sad about my life.
Who knows? Maybe it's because another year's drawing to an end and you wind up taking stock of what's happened, what hasn't happened, and you start wondering if anything ever going to change for the better.
Oh.
And the guilt.
The guilt that comes with thinking that you probably have no right to feel down about anything, 'cause things could always be worse.
Somehow, I feel like this has all been said before.
I'm just stuck on repeat now.
I know this is bad, but I met a friend's boyfriend a little while ago.
Meeting him kind of made me feel better in a way, 'cause he was the kind of guy I would never go for and a small part of me felt like my friend was just like every other person I knew who was all coupled up --- like she was just settling for what she could get.
Maybe that's the secret.
Maybe true love doesn't really exist.
Maybe you've just got to find someone that you can settle for.
Or maybe that's something I tell myself to make the reality of my situation seem a whole lot more bearable.
We believe that we can change ourselves
The past can be undone
But we carry on our back the burdens time always reveals
In the lonely light of morning
In the wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything...
- Sarah McLachlan, "Fallen"
Do you know how, when you've felt a certain way for a really long time, you start to forget what it was like before you felt this way?
I don't know when I stopped feeling excited and happy and full of anticipation about Christmas. I don't know when Christmas started becoming this time of year that just made me really sad about my life.
Who knows? Maybe it's because another year's drawing to an end and you wind up taking stock of what's happened, what hasn't happened, and you start wondering if anything ever going to change for the better.
Oh.
And the guilt.
The guilt that comes with thinking that you probably have no right to feel down about anything, 'cause things could always be worse.
Somehow, I feel like this has all been said before.
I'm just stuck on repeat now.
I know this is bad, but I met a friend's boyfriend a little while ago.
Meeting him kind of made me feel better in a way, 'cause he was the kind of guy I would never go for and a small part of me felt like my friend was just like every other person I knew who was all coupled up --- like she was just settling for what she could get.
Maybe that's the secret.
Maybe true love doesn't really exist.
Maybe you've just got to find someone that you can settle for.
Or maybe that's something I tell myself to make the reality of my situation seem a whole lot more bearable.
3 Comments:
Hi...I've talked to you before over on bly, I am a friend of Silentwhispers. wildwildrose..
I just have to say that your comments really hit me...you know.
I have a husband, am happily married with 7 month old son...and I just have to say that sometimes, oftentimes, I feel the same way you do. Just kinda sad.
I can't say I know anything about your life besides what you post, but you know, I am here to say honestly... that its not necesarliy better being "with" someone, as part of a couple.
Don't get me wrong I love being with J but sometimes I just get the blues .
Ah heck...I didn't mean to go on and on and I didn't mean to presume that I could comment. But you posts, they just.... reach me..y'know.
Anhow, gotta run TTFN
"Afterglow" was released a couple months after my devastating break up. It was a source of depression, consolation, and survival. While I could find pain in every song and how it fit my sadness, anger and regret, it also reminded me that I was a good person who would recover and live on. "Perfect Girl" is a song that still carries a lot of emotions for me.
wildwildrose - thanks for what you wrote. It actually means a lot to me to read that.
pandax - It's amazing, isn't it, how you can find a song to define almost every moment in your life? Music has always had that effect on me. Like you, "Afterglow" is just one of those albums that resonates with me. Thank God for artists like Sarah McLachlan.
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