A part of me really can't figure out if I'm feeling the way I'm feeling because I'm still sick or if it's just another bout of depression.

I keep thinking about what KN said.

"Depression's a big word. And you --- you're just not depressed, okay?" she blurted.

At the time, even though I didn't show it, I was a little irritated and angry. It was like, "Oh, thank you so much for telling me what I feel."

But who knows? Maybe she's actually right.

Or maybe I should just go to a therapist already.

SA cautioned, "Therapists are really willing to prescribe anti-depressants. I asked for it and they just gave it to me. And then I was in a fog for the longest time. It's something you really have to think long and hard about."

Sometimes, I think that if you pretend often enough that you're okay, you can almost fool yourself into thinking it's true.

And the thing is, there was this one time when one of my aunts actually thought I was depressed because I was single.

Like, what the fuck?

It's not about that.

I honestly feel like, even if I was with someone, it wouldn't help to erase the overriding feeling that something's missing in my life. And maybe it's a bigger thing like trying to find some sort of purpose to my existence.

Found this on Youtube and I find it really haunting...'cause I've been in that place where you're just driving and you feel like, you could keep on driving forever...but where the hell are you gonna go?