I'm sitting here wearing a French beret that my best friend gave me.
I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe it's because my hair is hideous and I don't like looking at myself in the mirror --- even though I'm not looking in the mirror right at this minute. Though...the point is, I know what I look like without the hat and with it on, it just looks better. Very Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde.
Sometimes, do you ever feel like you don't really have any right to complain about...well...anything? Like, maybe the only "real" problem in your life is that it's not 100% the way you thought it should be, but otherwise, you've got a lot going for you...except, maybe you're too focused on that one thing to see it?
It's like what Carrie said in Sex and the City:
Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?
Rochefoucauld once said that we are never so happy nor so unhappy as we imagine.
I'm starting to wonder if that's really true.
And other times, I just wish I wouldn't do so much of this thinking, 'cause it's like I'm always thinking about the same thing.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm giving variations of the same speech to other people --- little pep talks as if I were some self-help guru, intent on trying to make them feel better and to put things in perspective. And then, when I'm feeling shitty, it's like I forget all of that and I'm lying in bed, thinking that if I died now, it wouldn't really matter, would it? Who would really give a shit? (Though, I know there'd probably be a few people who would...like my family and friends.)
It sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite 'cause it always seems so easy to tell others what to do, but then when it comes to yourself, it's so hard to remember the very same things you've telling others.
It's like what Meredith said on Grey's Anatomy. It's so easy to offer up a quick fix to a problem when you don't know jack shit about it. She says, "We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix."
Though...to be fair, I don't think I've ever offered quick fixes and I've always prefaced any advice with the words, "I'm not a psychic. I don't know how things'll turn out. I can't promise you it'll get better."
Yet...when someone tells me that things will get better, with that certainty that seems to come from nowhere, I sometimes want to believe it, even though I'd much rather hear the things that my best friend tells me: maybe you'll be happy, maybe you won't. I can't predict that.
I think people who have more than one friend are luckier than most.
But maybe I only feel that way 'cause I have the burden of being that one friend to a lot of people.
Like High and Mighty Woman?
Sometimes...sometimes it makes me not want to be her friend 'cause it's annoying being the recipient of umpteen calls throughout the night...and sometimes, I feel bad, 'cause I don't want to listen to her. And I don't like the way she acts like she's my best friend...and yes, I know this makes me sound incredibly childish, but it creeps me out when someone's so dependent on you to be the holder and listener of their secrets; they want you to be a witness to their life...and I get it. I mean, we all want that in some respect, right?
But still...
It's like what Foreman said to House about being overly involved in Wilson's life:
That's why you need more than one friend.
I'm not quite sure why.
Maybe it's because my hair is hideous and I don't like looking at myself in the mirror --- even though I'm not looking in the mirror right at this minute. Though...the point is, I know what I look like without the hat and with it on, it just looks better. Very Faye Dunaway in Bonnie and Clyde.
Sometimes, do you ever feel like you don't really have any right to complain about...well...anything? Like, maybe the only "real" problem in your life is that it's not 100% the way you thought it should be, but otherwise, you've got a lot going for you...except, maybe you're too focused on that one thing to see it?
It's like what Carrie said in Sex and the City:
Why do we let the one thing we don't have affect how we feel about all the things we do have?
Rochefoucauld once said that we are never so happy nor so unhappy as we imagine.
I'm starting to wonder if that's really true.
And other times, I just wish I wouldn't do so much of this thinking, 'cause it's like I'm always thinking about the same thing.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm giving variations of the same speech to other people --- little pep talks as if I were some self-help guru, intent on trying to make them feel better and to put things in perspective. And then, when I'm feeling shitty, it's like I forget all of that and I'm lying in bed, thinking that if I died now, it wouldn't really matter, would it? Who would really give a shit? (Though, I know there'd probably be a few people who would...like my family and friends.)
It sort of makes me feel like a hypocrite 'cause it always seems so easy to tell others what to do, but then when it comes to yourself, it's so hard to remember the very same things you've telling others.
It's like what Meredith said on Grey's Anatomy. It's so easy to offer up a quick fix to a problem when you don't know jack shit about it. She says, "We're supposed to forget the past that led us here, ignore the future complications that might arise and go for the quick fix."
Though...to be fair, I don't think I've ever offered quick fixes and I've always prefaced any advice with the words, "I'm not a psychic. I don't know how things'll turn out. I can't promise you it'll get better."
Yet...when someone tells me that things will get better, with that certainty that seems to come from nowhere, I sometimes want to believe it, even though I'd much rather hear the things that my best friend tells me: maybe you'll be happy, maybe you won't. I can't predict that.
I think people who have more than one friend are luckier than most.
But maybe I only feel that way 'cause I have the burden of being that one friend to a lot of people.
Like High and Mighty Woman?
Sometimes...sometimes it makes me not want to be her friend 'cause it's annoying being the recipient of umpteen calls throughout the night...and sometimes, I feel bad, 'cause I don't want to listen to her. And I don't like the way she acts like she's my best friend...and yes, I know this makes me sound incredibly childish, but it creeps me out when someone's so dependent on you to be the holder and listener of their secrets; they want you to be a witness to their life...and I get it. I mean, we all want that in some respect, right?
But still...
It's like what Foreman said to House about being overly involved in Wilson's life:
That's why you need more than one friend.
1 Comments:
Why do you have to make my life so complicated? You weren't in love with me when we were dating. I was, I think, once. I ended it because it was going no where. You stopped talking to me when your new girlfriend decided you shouldn't have any female friends. That hurt. You were one of my best friends. The two of you broke up at some point and you started talking to me again. I've adjusted to being your friend. You've been nice to me since we've been friends again than you were before I broke up with you. Over the weekend, you admitted you realized what you had lost and it hurt you. You pretty much tore my heart out with your pain, as you apologized for it. Why now?
Post a Comment
<< Home