Monday, October 23, 2006

The Toronto Star launched The Relationship Challenge back in February, following 20 singletons from a diverse demographic in their adventures in dating --- or rather, their attempts to date.

Judy Steed, the feature writer, had this to say:

We wanted to find out what it's like on the front lines in a world of speed dating, Dinnerworks, Meet Market Adventures, Lavalife, Stroll in the Park and on and on.

Don't know why, but I felt this flare of anger. Like, WTF? She's trying to make it sound like, "Oh, this is a completely foreign world to the likes of most of us. Won't it be oh-so-fascinating to watch this pathetic group of people fumble around, in an attempt to avoid dying alone?" I felt like these people --- who were really very brave --- were being examined with a microscope with a slight air of, "Oh, poor them."

It just irritated me.

But then again, I know I'm reading too much into it.

I tend to be resentful in general.

It kind of bummed me out to learn that, out of the 20, only two had managed to find themselves in long-term relationships.

Yet, The Star tried to put a hopeful, optimistic spin on things and Steed writes:

Others are rejuvenated, exploring new friendships and interests, coasting on a buoyant surge of self-confidence, eager to do the networking that generates a wider web of connections.

A few are disheartened, if not disillusioned, by the experience. Being stood up or lied to is no fun.


Last night, flipping between an old episode of Six Feet Under and a new episode of Brothers & Sisters, I found myself watching a scene in Six Feet Under from Season 5's "The Silence" where Ruth forces herself to go to an aquaintance's party and she feels so completely out of her element. She makes awkward chit chat with a man who finds her so boring, he just walks away. And when her friend tries to cheer her up and says they should mingle and try and find her some nice eligible bachelor, Ruth says (on the verge of tears, but never spilling them):



No, it won't be fun. I am seven million years old and I have this emptiness that won't go away. I have done everything and been everywhere. And I am still all alone! Everyone gets to find someone just like that (snaps fingers). So I'm done. That's it! I just want to be left alone so I can shrivel up in peace! Please!

I love Frances Conroy. She just totally owned that scene and I really felt for her, because that's the kind of thing that every single person who's still struggling to find that someone feels.

And sometimes, even after you've resigned yourself to the fact that because you refuse to settle and will most likely be single and alone for the rest of your days, it still leaves you feeling lonely...which you hate to even bring up, because even if you've got your family and your friends, there's that one place inside your heart that's left vacant for that someone you want to be with, and have kids with, and grow old with.

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