I think that when you become a mother, there's this switch that turns on in your brain --- this switch that makes it impossible for you to speak without nagging.

And really, that's all I've gotta say about that without imploding.

Though...to be fair...I'm always on the verge of imploding.

People drive me nuts.

Not just my mother.

And to think, I was seriously thinking about a career switch into counselling. I actually thought I'd be good at that --- God knows I play pseudo-psychiatrist to enough people. But then I realized that I don't really like people.

There's this older woman at work --- everybody thinks she's this sweet little old woman just 'cause she's short, speaks in this soft voice that borders on babyish and looks like she's about 100 years old, though in reality, she's probably just 56 or something.

I was paired up with her on the first day for job shadowing and I seriously wanted to slit my wrists within 20 minutes of hanging around her.

She's what I call "fake nice."

You label people "nice" when there's absolutely nothing interesting you can call the person. It's a lazy person's useful, catchall word to describe others they don't exactly like, but they don't hate, either.

Me? I'm a person who slots people into three areas:
1. Hatred
2. Indifference
3. Obligated to Love

Okay. So maybe that's not exactly true. I do have friends, after all. And I do find myself charmed on occassion by a whole slew of people. But usually, I'm able to quickly size someone up and slot them into one of the three categories --- usually, just the top two.

So, the old lady?

She. Drives. Me. NUTS.

Her "sweetness" just comes off as meddlesome and borderline retarded. Seriously. She'll go on these tangents that have no bearing to what we're talking about. And at the same time, she quite enjoys standing there, prolonging bullshit small talk to unbelievably annoying lengths of time. I mean, it's not quite as bad as Knows-It-All Girl from the previous job --- I mean, that woman was so obviously socially inept that you couldn't help but forgive her 'cause you knew that, despite the fact that she'd found some idiot to marry her, the reality was that nobody really genuinely liked her and that while she may have had many, many aquaintances, she didn't have any real friends.

But back to the "sweet" old lady...what's with the touchy feely crap? I don't like to be touched by strangers! (This said in a slightly hysterical voice.)

And why the hell doesn't she lift her fucking feet when she walks? Oh my God...every time I hear her shuffling over, I just want to scream, "Lift your fucking feet."

Today, at a morning meeting, they told us we had a training session with Marble-Mouth-Woman for three hours after lunch tomorrow.

I sighed loudly and heaved my shoulders before rolling my eyes all the way into the back of my head.

And this was in front of the new team lead.

Winter hasn't even started yet, but I'm already feeling the effects of S.A.D. It's supposed to rain for the rest of the week. Somebody please kill me now.