So you know what I don't get?

They didn't really come out and say it, but I got the sense that they think I was the one to blame for not wowing The Dud.

And really, maybe I'm just a colossal bitch, but the way I see it, if you have zero chemistry with somebody and you have no intention of ever seeing them again and you personally feel as if any more time spent making bullshit chit chat with them would be precious minutes shaved off your life, then it's perfectly okay to cut the polite small talk to a minimum.

Why must I continue to talk to this person?

My sister's friend actually accused me of acting weird about everything by seemingly losing interest the second The Dud opened his mouth to talk. She did concede, though, that there was zero chemistry and that The Dud was embarrassingly socially inept and seemed almost rude.

Yet, I get this underlying sense that, because I'm rapidly on my way to becoming a woman of a certain age who's still not with anybody that I must do everything that I possibly can to sink my hooks into any man that's presented to me and just hold on tight for dear life.

I mean, if we're going to get bitchy and mean about it, let's face facts: that's exactly what my miserable little matchmaker did. She had told my sister many times over that she would settle because she would be damned if she finished graduate school and found herself alone.

You take one look at her with her new boyfriend and you just know that they're two people who are together more out of desperation than a genuine like for each other.

And I'm sorry but I'm just not that desperate.

I'd rather shrivel up and die alone than settle for someone.

And you know what? I actually had fun on my birthday for once and I realized that I liked my life the way it was...if I find a great guy to spend my days with, that'll just be icing on the cake.

---

So, last night, I had this dream that something happened and my teeth had fallen out --- not all of them, but enough to make me look like some demented hobo --- and I was freaking out 'cause I couldn't find a dentist to fix it.

Anybody who knows me knows that I have this freakish pride in my teeth.

I think I have perfect teeth.

My dentist always says so whenever I have to go in for a cleaning.

"Beautiful!" he always says.

So, please, forgive me if I have a certain vanity about such things.

But anyway...in the dream, I kept sticking my tongue into the empty spaces and it hurt and I could taste blood.

Woke up a little panicked and quickly ran my tongue over my teeth to make sure they were all there and then sank back into bed, feeling relieved.

It was like the time I dreamt I'd given birth to twins when I was in high school and I dreamt my parents were so disappointed in me that they stopped talking to me. I didn't have a crib for the babies and had to put them in a cardboard box next to my bed.

Woke up that time peering over my bed, wondering where the babies were.

I don't think dreams really mean anything, but sometimes, they kinda freak me out 'cause they feel so real.