So, Nuit Blanche, which means "White Night" was being touted as a "contempory art thing" where, from sunset at 7:01 p.m. yesterday until sunrise at 7:15 a.m. today, downtown Toronto had this free, city-wide event featuring more than 130 contemporary art projects.

The first Nuit Blanche was launched in Paris in October 2002 and now, Toronto has joined Brussels, Rome, Riga, Montreal and Madrid as a Nuit Blanche city.

I was kind of surprised that there wasn't this sort of thing somewhere in the U.S., but when you think about it, why would New York even need something like this, when the city's pretty much alive 24/7?

Yesterday night, though? Not exactly the ideal weather for a dusk-til-dawn, outdoor thing. It probably didn't help that I was out near Lake Ontario for most of the afternoon and felt like I'd frozen my ass off.

The thing is, I'm not much for contemporary art. It's just not my thing.

I thought the "wishing trees" along Philsopher's Walk between the Royal Ontario Museum and one of the U of T buildings was kind of cool --- I liked the way the trees were lit up and there were scraps of paper with printed "wishes" attached to the branches.

The tag line was, "A wish made at night may be answered at dawn."

If only wishes really came true.

I don't know when I stopped believing in making wishes...maybe around the same time I tried to crush out any ounce of hope I might have about...well, anything.

The stupid thing is, whenever someone else starts talking about how down they feel or how unhappy they are, I feel compelled to put things into perspective for them and try and make them feel better. Why is that? It makes no sense, 'cause I know I hate it when someone tells me things like, "Don't say that! Of course, it'll happen!"

Yeah, sure. Whatever.

I just wish people would quit saying that, you know? It really bugs me. I just want people to be real with me.

Life sucks. Let's just move on with it, okay?

It's weird how I'll think I should be doing one thing or how I'll want to be somewhere, and then I get there, and I realize that I don't want to be there at all.

I found myself standing there at the Edward Johnson Building, at the U of T's Faculty of Music, listening to this interactive performance on a presure-sensitive sound/water sculpture/instrument. The concert was called "Night Music".

So, I stood there, and I realized that I'd just rather be at home, being boring and nothing doing anything horribly interesting.

Why do I even care if other people find me boring or not?

Sometimes...I just feel like I'm really tired of pretending to be this fun, funny girl who's up for anything. The stuff I write in my journals? Most people who know me in "real life" don't know even a little bit of the stuff I post in here. And it's because I'm good at pretending. I pretend all the time --- that I'm okay, mostly.

I wonder if I pretend in the hopes that one day I'll believe the lies that I tell myself.

I liked Fujiko Naya's fog installation...though, attempting to take a picture of it with my shitty camera didn't produce the best results. I sort of wanted to disappear into that fog...'cause sometimes, even when I'm surrounded by people, I feel strangely invisible.