Noticed this tall, blonde woman the other day with a cute little Chinese baby in a stroller when I came out of the dressing room of a store the other day. And even though this is becoming more and more common, a part of me still wanted to stare --- which I know sounds incredibly stupid...like I'm some pathetic slob who has lived under a rock for the last ten years.
I wish more people would adopt, instead of pursuing IVF when they claim they want to have kids. But I know I'm overly judgmental about this kind of stuff.
Like my sister's friend --- her parents couldn't have kids, so they hired this woman to be a surrogate and subsequently, this woman had two kids for the couple.
My sister's friend is barely ever at home --- and when she is there, her parents demand to know why she's not at her boyfriend's place. They allowed this kid to drop out of school so she could spend more time with her boyfriend and they don't seem to care about where she is or what she's doing or who she's hanging out with.
My sister insists this girl is the "sweetest" person you could ever know, but I think I'd slit my wrists if I ever raised a daughter who wound up like this girl --- someone with no pride, no standards and no shame.
She's stuck by a boyfriend who's been charged with gun posession and whose intense anger has scared her to the point that she's actually run out of a car and hid behind some bushes.
In some ways, she reminds me of a lot of women that I know --- women who'll stay with a man because they think it's better to be with someone than no one at all. And it makes me want to gag whenever someone lectures me on how it's possible to be in a relationship and feel lonely 'cause the other person doesn't treat them well.
WTF??? Why don't you fucking leave, then?
When I adopt my daughters from China, I'm determined to raise them to be strong, independent women who fully realize that they're whole all on their own and that they don't need someone to "complete" them.
Yeah, I guess to some people, it sounds like I'm gearing up to raise my kids to be man-haters, but I'm not.
The other day, when I was out with some friends for dinner, one of them sighed, "I want to have kids soon. I think they're so cute! I want to dress them up in cute little outfits and play with them."
I just stared at her in disbelief.
Does she really think that's what it's going to be like, having kids?
A couple of our other friends just shook their heads and said they didn't want to have kids; that they planned to be childless and childfree for the rest of their lives because they were too "selfish" (their words, not mine) to take on that burden.
A few days ago, the Best Friend told me, "I'm so exhausted from work and just pulling my own stuff together. I don't know how I'd be able to cope with a child."
I remember another friend laughed when I shrugged and said that I thought of raising kids as "something to do" and "a challenge." But I meant it. For me, I need to have somebody else to focus on because I've already spent 27 years totally absorbed with me, me, me...and I'm kind of sick of it.
When Travels-A-Lot Girl turned to me and asked if all this talk about adopting had to do with my biological clock ticking. She asked what had happened to the fairy tale dream of getting married and having kids of my own.
Yeah, well some people don't find their Prince Charmings. And who knows? Maybe Prince Charming doesn't exist.
And I'm just not desperate enough to settle.
I just said, "I'm realistic. I think more in terms of what it's going to be like to raise another human being and help them become the people they're meant to be. And I think adoption is important 'cause there are so many kids out there who need homes."
I wisely decided to keep my mouth shut after that, 'cause when I get on a roll, it's kind of hard to stop...and sometimes, you wind up saying certain things that you have no business saying, 'cause if a couple chooses to pursue IVF instead of adoption, that's their business. Who am I to stand there, judging them like they're bad people just because they don't have it in them to love a child that's not their own flesh and blood?
I just finished reading this:
Towards the end, Emily Buchanan interviews a Chinese writer who has done extensive research on the suffering of Chinese women. Some of the stuff just made me sick and ashamed to be Chinese...'cause that's the thing...even if I was born and raised in Toronto, deep down inside, I'll always see myself as Chinese first and foremost.
Here's one part that horrified me in particular:
"Xinran went on. 'Several years later in 1995, while I was in Shandong Province, near a mountain named Yimeng, I found some families would jsut throw the baby girls out of the house as soon as they were born. I could sometimes see partially eaten corposes lying on the ground. They didn't treat them as human beings.'...I thought about Jade and Rose, chubby and loved...it was hard to imagine the kind of desperate existence that led to a baby girl being hurled out like a piece of rubbish or drwoned in a bucket of water." - Emily Buchanan, (p.256)
I'll always remember how my mother said that my grandmother (on my dad's side) thought less of my mother because she had daughters and never produced a son. And even my grandmother from my mother's side always favoured her sons' male children over her granddaughters...as if we didn't mean as much or something.
I wish more people would adopt, instead of pursuing IVF when they claim they want to have kids. But I know I'm overly judgmental about this kind of stuff.
Like my sister's friend --- her parents couldn't have kids, so they hired this woman to be a surrogate and subsequently, this woman had two kids for the couple.
My sister's friend is barely ever at home --- and when she is there, her parents demand to know why she's not at her boyfriend's place. They allowed this kid to drop out of school so she could spend more time with her boyfriend and they don't seem to care about where she is or what she's doing or who she's hanging out with.
My sister insists this girl is the "sweetest" person you could ever know, but I think I'd slit my wrists if I ever raised a daughter who wound up like this girl --- someone with no pride, no standards and no shame.
She's stuck by a boyfriend who's been charged with gun posession and whose intense anger has scared her to the point that she's actually run out of a car and hid behind some bushes.
In some ways, she reminds me of a lot of women that I know --- women who'll stay with a man because they think it's better to be with someone than no one at all. And it makes me want to gag whenever someone lectures me on how it's possible to be in a relationship and feel lonely 'cause the other person doesn't treat them well.
WTF??? Why don't you fucking leave, then?
When I adopt my daughters from China, I'm determined to raise them to be strong, independent women who fully realize that they're whole all on their own and that they don't need someone to "complete" them.
Yeah, I guess to some people, it sounds like I'm gearing up to raise my kids to be man-haters, but I'm not.
The other day, when I was out with some friends for dinner, one of them sighed, "I want to have kids soon. I think they're so cute! I want to dress them up in cute little outfits and play with them."
I just stared at her in disbelief.
Does she really think that's what it's going to be like, having kids?
A couple of our other friends just shook their heads and said they didn't want to have kids; that they planned to be childless and childfree for the rest of their lives because they were too "selfish" (their words, not mine) to take on that burden.
A few days ago, the Best Friend told me, "I'm so exhausted from work and just pulling my own stuff together. I don't know how I'd be able to cope with a child."
I remember another friend laughed when I shrugged and said that I thought of raising kids as "something to do" and "a challenge." But I meant it. For me, I need to have somebody else to focus on because I've already spent 27 years totally absorbed with me, me, me...and I'm kind of sick of it.
When Travels-A-Lot Girl turned to me and asked if all this talk about adopting had to do with my biological clock ticking. She asked what had happened to the fairy tale dream of getting married and having kids of my own.
Yeah, well some people don't find their Prince Charmings. And who knows? Maybe Prince Charming doesn't exist.
And I'm just not desperate enough to settle.
I just said, "I'm realistic. I think more in terms of what it's going to be like to raise another human being and help them become the people they're meant to be. And I think adoption is important 'cause there are so many kids out there who need homes."
I wisely decided to keep my mouth shut after that, 'cause when I get on a roll, it's kind of hard to stop...and sometimes, you wind up saying certain things that you have no business saying, 'cause if a couple chooses to pursue IVF instead of adoption, that's their business. Who am I to stand there, judging them like they're bad people just because they don't have it in them to love a child that's not their own flesh and blood?
I just finished reading this:
Towards the end, Emily Buchanan interviews a Chinese writer who has done extensive research on the suffering of Chinese women. Some of the stuff just made me sick and ashamed to be Chinese...'cause that's the thing...even if I was born and raised in Toronto, deep down inside, I'll always see myself as Chinese first and foremost.
Here's one part that horrified me in particular:
"Xinran went on. 'Several years later in 1995, while I was in Shandong Province, near a mountain named Yimeng, I found some families would jsut throw the baby girls out of the house as soon as they were born. I could sometimes see partially eaten corposes lying on the ground. They didn't treat them as human beings.'...I thought about Jade and Rose, chubby and loved...it was hard to imagine the kind of desperate existence that led to a baby girl being hurled out like a piece of rubbish or drwoned in a bucket of water." - Emily Buchanan, (p.256)
I'll always remember how my mother said that my grandmother (on my dad's side) thought less of my mother because she had daughters and never produced a son. And even my grandmother from my mother's side always favoured her sons' male children over her granddaughters...as if we didn't mean as much or something.
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