Jealousy Sucks
I was irritated when I called Harlequin Reader and all she did was coo, "Oh my God! She looks so beautiful!" and then, followed up with, "Do you have her email address so I can congratulate her."
WTF?
This woman cut you off for no other reason than the fact that she thought you were too dumpy and stupid to be seen with the likes of her. She didn't bother inviting you to her wedding despite the fact that you were her best friend since you were both 12. She didn't even care that you were part of the search party when she decided to run away from home.
And you want to email her to congratulate her?
I was so incensed, I didn't even bother to reply. I told her I had a meeting I needed to get to (which was the truth).
Granted, Harlequin Reader has always been a bigger person than me. Maybe that's my problem. I cling onto old wounds with a death grip.
Ugh. Jealousy sucks --- it feels like it eats you alive. And what's the point to it all? There's nothing you can do. There'll always be people who've got it better than you and there'll always be people who don't.
Shit happens. Life's not fair. Deal with it.
Slept okay last night, considering. For a split second, I figured, "Huh. Maybe this is real emotional growth. I'm beyond this. Jealousy's beneath me."
(Contrary to last night's discussion with The Best Friend as we sat at our respective laptops with the phone glued to our ears as we stared with grim fascination at The Betrayer's wedding album.)
"She looks so happy," the Best Friend said, almost glumly.
"Yeah."
Really, there was nothing else to say.
It was one of those moments where you take stock of your own life and you can't help coming to the conclusion of, "My life is shit."
And as petty as this sounds, other people's happiness is hard to take 'cause it's like ramming a dull knife and twisting it hard against your rapidly shrinking heart.
Okay, so, yeah, I'm still melodramatic and sort of poking fun at myself, but there's a bit of truth there.
Yeah...so, maybe this sounds really stupid, but, when your life's just humming along and it's not necessarily happy, but y'know, you've kind of told yourself you're okay with that...well, it's like that Gore Vidal saying --- every time a friend succeeds, a little piece of me dies. Except, it doesn't have to be a friend, does it? And it's really more about you and how your life's going. It has nothing to do with the other person.
Ah well.
So there. There's an uncomfortable realization about my life.
WTF?
This woman cut you off for no other reason than the fact that she thought you were too dumpy and stupid to be seen with the likes of her. She didn't bother inviting you to her wedding despite the fact that you were her best friend since you were both 12. She didn't even care that you were part of the search party when she decided to run away from home.
And you want to email her to congratulate her?
I was so incensed, I didn't even bother to reply. I told her I had a meeting I needed to get to (which was the truth).
Granted, Harlequin Reader has always been a bigger person than me. Maybe that's my problem. I cling onto old wounds with a death grip.
Ugh. Jealousy sucks --- it feels like it eats you alive. And what's the point to it all? There's nothing you can do. There'll always be people who've got it better than you and there'll always be people who don't.
Shit happens. Life's not fair. Deal with it.
Slept okay last night, considering. For a split second, I figured, "Huh. Maybe this is real emotional growth. I'm beyond this. Jealousy's beneath me."
(Contrary to last night's discussion with The Best Friend as we sat at our respective laptops with the phone glued to our ears as we stared with grim fascination at The Betrayer's wedding album.)
"She looks so happy," the Best Friend said, almost glumly.
"Yeah."
Really, there was nothing else to say.
It was one of those moments where you take stock of your own life and you can't help coming to the conclusion of, "My life is shit."
And as petty as this sounds, other people's happiness is hard to take 'cause it's like ramming a dull knife and twisting it hard against your rapidly shrinking heart.
Okay, so, yeah, I'm still melodramatic and sort of poking fun at myself, but there's a bit of truth there.
Yeah...so, maybe this sounds really stupid, but, when your life's just humming along and it's not necessarily happy, but y'know, you've kind of told yourself you're okay with that...well, it's like that Gore Vidal saying --- every time a friend succeeds, a little piece of me dies. Except, it doesn't have to be a friend, does it? And it's really more about you and how your life's going. It has nothing to do with the other person.
Ah well.
So there. There's an uncomfortable realization about my life.
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