First Day At Work

So, the new place has this Internet policy --- which basically means no checking Eonline! while at work anymore. Oh, and checking email and all of that other crap.

Was sort of stoned all of this morning --- amazingly, from cough syrup.

I was the last one to arrive for the orientation session and I was suffering from a really bad case of static cling, to boot. My hair looked really big and I looked like a derranged serial killer in my security pass photo. Why the hell do they need picture ID for anyway? It's not like anybody actually checks it.

Oh, wait. They have what they think is this really "cool" phone directory where your mug shot is next to your name.

Gawd.

Everybody is super nice --- and by "nice", I mean boring.

But then again, I'm such a colossal beeatch these days that I'm really not all that fit for polite society anymore. I'm the kind of half-wit who'll strike up a conversation at work like this:

"Do you like Jenny from Marketing? 'Cause I don't."

Met with the two team leads --- couldn't quite tell if one of them was gay. I mean, not that it's important or anything. At lunch with one of the super "nice" girls, out of nowhere, I go, "Do you think G is gay?"

She looked at me like I was some mind reader and went, "Oh my God! I was thinking the same thing! Did you think he was cute? Was that why you were wondering?"

I had to struggle not to give her the Are-You-Seriously-Asking-Me-That-Question look.

I mean, if I was talking to my best friend, I would have said, "What are you? Blind? No. He's not even good looking."

But then, during the meeting at the end of the day --- when I was zonked out and numb from too much cough syrup and thinking, "Oh my God, I wish I was dead" --- he was talking about some movie that was out and he did this little hand flip and went, "Oh, please!" and I thought, "Gay."

Half-jokingly, I told Too-Nice-Girl, who's standard comment about everybody was, "She's so nice", that I wouldn't have minded if there'd been some cute guys on our team at the very least. Something to help pass the time...'cause, you know, the primary purpose of work isn't to make money or anything.

But, no.

The Lord findeth ways to continually make my already-unbearably-shitty life even more shitty by continually finding the most annoying human beings on the face of the planet for me to work with.

At lunch, I overheard this Asian girl going on and on about how she was meeting up with some friend from back in modelling school and I almost blurted out, "Seriously?"

She reminded me of one of the victims in this case I covered when I was in journalism school, covering court reporting, where these people were charged with fraud for fleecing all these people out of their money with their fake modelling school scam. And you'd stand in the courtroom, looking at all these stupid people who willingly gave up thousands of dollars, truly believing they were model-material, and you'd think, "Holy fucking shit."

But, anyway, back to the annoying people...there was this one old guy --- OH. MY. GOD. What a fucking idiot. The trainer would say something and, like, half a second later, he'd ask the same fucking question. He was sitting next to me and he'd be like off in La-La-Land, talking in that muffled voice of his, and grinning like some creepy Jack-in-the-box puppet, asking his stupid questions and all I could think about was how much I wanted to, like, brain him with the mug that they'd given me this morning.

Every time he opened his mouth and said something stupid, I just wanted to hit him.

And, really, I wish I could just blame this on PMS or something, but...oh...wait...now that I think about it, it is PMS. It's cycled back again.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

It's like I just had it, too.

I fucking hate getting my period.