First instinct when someone says, "You're the first person to know this, so don't tell anybody" is to go running through the hallways with a megaphone.

Not that I've ever done that.

I figured it'd be funny, though.

Or maybe not.

My mother annoyed me once (well, more than once, but I mean "once" as in "there was this one time where she annoyed me..." instead of "that one time in my whole life so far") and said that I wasn't good at keeping secrets 'cause whatever I'm feeling just plays out across my face and I have no control over it.

"How do you know? I could be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde for all you know," I told her. "There could be tons of things I haven't told you."

(Though, that's not true. Being the first born and the closest to my mother, I wind up telling her everything. That's why even my dad will go, "Don't tell your mother or your sister about this" when he's pissed off with someone from mom's side of the family and needs to complain to one of my sisters...though, to be fair, I feel the exact same way he does and I would have agreed with him...and you know what? My sisters and I tell each other everything, so the words "Don't tell" have no meaning. "Don't tell" means, "Don't tell anybody except for your sisters". Okay. That's a long digression.)

Stupidly, I actually thought about writing it down in here, but then I stopped and thought, "What the fuck am I doing? I really am bad at this."

Every day is a day for personal growth --- I'm constantly realizing things about myself, which sometimes makes me think, "I am such a little shit."

Besides, if I wrote about it, it'd be going against rule no. 1 of this blog --- try and generalize as much as possible. Though, I guess I've broken that rule more than once. Ah, well. Starting today, then.

So, anyway, went to the concourse level to have coffee and mull over the situation. Wondered if maybe I was a little too opinionated with all the, "This is what you need to do" talk. I hate it when people do that to me, so why do I do it to others? (See why I want to bitch slap myself sometimes? I seriously need an off switch sometimes.)

At McDonald's, The Co-Worker was like, "You like that coffee? Don't you find it...I don't know...too hot?"

"Yeah, well, I'm hoping to scald myself with this and make my millions that way. The lottery thing's not working out too good for me," I said.

The guy behind us thought this was really funny and started laughing.

I thought about messing with him and going, "Why are you laughing? I was serious." But you know what? I'm not really into the chit chatting with strangers. That's why I never made a good journalist. Most of the time, I was thinking, "WTF? This isn't any of my business."

I once told the Best Friend, "You know, we --- as in, the Chinese --- have this curse: May you live in interesting times. Ever notice when things are 'interesting', they're really just totally fucked up and you're wishing you didn't have to deal with all that stress?"

Had a brief moment while I was in that food court, thinking, "Stuff's always happening to other people." Not that I'd want to be in any of the situations that I've heard about. Who wants to play out a soap opera-like existence for someone else's amusement and entertainment, anyway?

In other stupid stuff...

When the commercial came on during the finale of So You Think You Can Dance? for the tour, I actually had this moment of, "I want to go." (Actually, the exact words to cross my mind were, "I gots to go.") But I felt like that'd be so totally lame. But you know what? Who cares? Embrace you inner nerd.

I'm over the PMS stage for now, otherwise, I would have thought, "I'm going and if anybody says anything, then they can go fuck themselves."

You know, this whole depression thing...sometimes, I wonder if it's more PMS then anything else, 'cause I get so fucking crazy with the insane urge to just fight somebody or I'll start crying over things like the preview for World Trade Centre. (Though, I've cried over the VH1 special about Celine Dion, too. Hell, last night, I almost teared up when they were doing those stupid montages of the dancers. And why the hell can't I get that KT Turnstall song out of my head???)Sometimes, I'll hear something totally crazy coming out of my mouth and I'll think, "What the fuck is wrong with me???"

I never used to get PMS. That's why it'd annoy me whenever someone would blame bad behaviour on PMS. But now, it's like I can feel myself turning into the Incredible Hulk or something, just having a huge meltdown.

I got supremely annoyed just because it was overcast one morning and I brought my umbrella into work. By mid-morning, it was sunny and I was pissed off over the prospect of carrying the umbrella home. Who the fuck gets angry about that???

That being said, I'd still take the emotional meltdowns over the physical discomforts any day.