If I Believed In Signs

Normally? I hate it when people just write little commentaries on shit they've read in the paper or in a magazine, but I was reading this article in the National Geographic Traveler where Daisann McLane wrote:

"Sometimes it gets annoying, having to account for my single status to people in far corners of hte world who look at a woman traveling alone and see a person adrift…so I get irritable when anyone suggests there's somethign wrong with me. It's an irritation surpassed only by a question I find even more tiresome than the husband one, which is: Don't you feel [tired/lonely/strange] as a woman traveling alone?"

Just something I've been thinking about it lately and I guess it almost seemed like a sign when I picked up that issue and happened across that article.

Well, if I believed in signs.

Shopaholic Girl actually keeps little fortune cookie slips in her wallet --- instant little pick-me-ups that she finds inspiring.

It must be nice being able to find comfort in stuff like that.

I think I've bulldozed my way past being jaded and I'm into a new category altogether. Not quite where Travel Girl is, with her whole, "Fuck it" attitude and her blazing independence --- I can't help but admire it, 'cause sometimes, it actually seems scary being so alone and knowing you've got nobody to depend on but yourself.

God.

Do I sound like a Whitney Houston song?

Yeah...so I've been laying off updating in here lately.

The guy who was reading this journal said he was going to stop reading this blog, while a part of me's thinking, "Okay, yeah, whatever".

I don't even really give a shit about that anymore.

And it isn't so much that I've got nothing to say. Stuff has happened, but it's more like, I don't even want to delve too deeply into what's going on.

The Best Friend posed a very job interview-like question last night and asked where I saw myself in five years.

I told her I didn't want to even think about it.

Take each day as it comes, one at a time, like a friggin' alcoholic. That's how I cope. And maybe it's avoidance, not thinking about the future, but that's the best way to cope with things 'cause I find I get all in my head trying to figure out the future when nobody can really do that.

You make plans and those plans fall apart on you --- even if it's only five months down the road.

The bigger stuff? Like whether you'll find love, get married and have kids or be successful in your career? That, time will tell.

All I can do is sock away money for the future, try to live responsibly, and see what happens 'cause the only day you have any control over is today, right?

I guess last night kinda made me feel weird...mostly 'cause I realized that I was disappointed in certain people in my life. But that's the thing, isn't it? You don't have any control over what other people do with their lives and just because they choose to do things that you cannot approve or or accept doesn't mean you should just turn your back on them.

I mean, that's not real friendship, is it?

Bleh.

I could go on and on and just flush out everything that's going on, but I don't really want to.