The Warning
I think that every Asian person who enters into the world of interracial dating will, at some point, reach that stage where they have to issue their significant other the warning.
What, pray tell, is the warning?
Okay, there's no way around this, but most Asian parents are downright racist.
At some point, you'll find yourself giving a variation of this speech:
"My parents will hate you. They hated you before they met you. They'll hate you when they meet you. And if we wind up together for the next 75 years, you can bet your ass that they'll hate you for the next 75 years."
Oh, sure, they'll be all nice and polite to your face, but that's more out of discomfort than anything else. Some of them might even pretend they don't speak all that much English and they'll yabber on in Cantonese or Mandarin about that "devil" sitting across the table from them.
Sister 2's friend, C, is dating a white guy.
She's heading up to Ottawa this weekend with him and when her parents asked her who she was going with, she automatically said Sister 2's name and then proceeded to call our home number two times, Sister 2's cell phone four times, and e-mail three times to give her the head's up that she was going to be her front for this weekend getaway.
She's been dating this guy for over a year and her parents have yet to acknowledge him. Instead, the mother gives him cold, icy stares full of withering distaste while the father outright ignores him.
You want to know something weird?
I come from a huge family --- at my grandmother's birthday last April, there were close to 100 people there. There's 10 kids, 42 grandkids, and 33 great-grandkids. Add spouses and significant others to the mix and a few cousins and in-laws and you've got yourself a mini-village.
The weird thing is that there isn't a single person in my family who has married outside of the race --- well, there was one.
One of my cousins married a Saudi Arabian who was a year old her than her mother. She didn't live with him, though. It was a very strange arrangement where they lived apart for years and he came to visit her every now and again. Eventually, they got divorced and she settled down with a nice, "appropriate" Chinese man.
You'd think that, living in Toronto, one of us might have married a white person at the very least.
But nope. That hasn't happened.
God have mercy on the one who brings home the first "coloured" person.
My cousin's sister-in-law married a white guy she'd been dating for over 10 years. She had to hide it from her parents because they were out-and-out against it. They thought he was uneducated and probably had a million other ill-conceived ideas. They thought he'd eventually cheat on their daughter and one day leave her. They made their distaste for him known. They didn't realize it, but they were the ones who drove the wedge between themselves and their daughter.
I remember the summer that they got married, my mom and I were out for an early morning walk and she told me that whoever I wound up marrying, she'd accept it --- no matter who it was. She said she trusted my judgment.
But I'm beginning to see all of that was just bullshit because it's pretty clear that the mere notion that I might be dating someone who's not Asian just puts a bitter taste in her mouth.
The Asian parents' version of the warning is chock full of racist stereotypes. They actually believe that this will knock some "sense" in their child's head.
Some days?
I think my mom would rather have me be alone and lonely for the rest of my life than to see me settle down with someone she'd "worry" about for the rest of her life.
What, pray tell, is the warning?
Okay, there's no way around this, but most Asian parents are downright racist.
At some point, you'll find yourself giving a variation of this speech:
"My parents will hate you. They hated you before they met you. They'll hate you when they meet you. And if we wind up together for the next 75 years, you can bet your ass that they'll hate you for the next 75 years."
Oh, sure, they'll be all nice and polite to your face, but that's more out of discomfort than anything else. Some of them might even pretend they don't speak all that much English and they'll yabber on in Cantonese or Mandarin about that "devil" sitting across the table from them.
Sister 2's friend, C, is dating a white guy.
She's heading up to Ottawa this weekend with him and when her parents asked her who she was going with, she automatically said Sister 2's name and then proceeded to call our home number two times, Sister 2's cell phone four times, and e-mail three times to give her the head's up that she was going to be her front for this weekend getaway.
She's been dating this guy for over a year and her parents have yet to acknowledge him. Instead, the mother gives him cold, icy stares full of withering distaste while the father outright ignores him.
You want to know something weird?
I come from a huge family --- at my grandmother's birthday last April, there were close to 100 people there. There's 10 kids, 42 grandkids, and 33 great-grandkids. Add spouses and significant others to the mix and a few cousins and in-laws and you've got yourself a mini-village.
The weird thing is that there isn't a single person in my family who has married outside of the race --- well, there was one.
One of my cousins married a Saudi Arabian who was a year old her than her mother. She didn't live with him, though. It was a very strange arrangement where they lived apart for years and he came to visit her every now and again. Eventually, they got divorced and she settled down with a nice, "appropriate" Chinese man.
You'd think that, living in Toronto, one of us might have married a white person at the very least.
But nope. That hasn't happened.
God have mercy on the one who brings home the first "coloured" person.
My cousin's sister-in-law married a white guy she'd been dating for over 10 years. She had to hide it from her parents because they were out-and-out against it. They thought he was uneducated and probably had a million other ill-conceived ideas. They thought he'd eventually cheat on their daughter and one day leave her. They made their distaste for him known. They didn't realize it, but they were the ones who drove the wedge between themselves and their daughter.
I remember the summer that they got married, my mom and I were out for an early morning walk and she told me that whoever I wound up marrying, she'd accept it --- no matter who it was. She said she trusted my judgment.
But I'm beginning to see all of that was just bullshit because it's pretty clear that the mere notion that I might be dating someone who's not Asian just puts a bitter taste in her mouth.
The Asian parents' version of the warning is chock full of racist stereotypes. They actually believe that this will knock some "sense" in their child's head.
Some days?
I think my mom would rather have me be alone and lonely for the rest of my life than to see me settle down with someone she'd "worry" about for the rest of her life.
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