Everything Sucks, But You're Just Fine
Big-time change is never easy.
I guess, for the most part, we see the beginning of yet another year as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, start from scratch, and be the better versions of ourselves that we see inside the mirror of our minds.
Maybe that's why we make resolutions that we can't keep --- we know the way we want to be, but that doesn't always translate into having the willpower to make ourselves into those people.
This year, I decided I needed to chill the fuck out.
I guess I've done a pretty good job of hiding how anal and caught up in the minutiae of my own thinking I can be, but I don't want it to be an act anymore for the benefit of others. I want to see that change in myself and know that I'm truly okay with who I am.
I've come to realize that there are things that you just have no control over, but that you can't always play it safe because you don't want to risk looking like a fool or because you're too wrapped up in what other people might think.
Sure, it's easy to say, "Screw what others think", but the reality is, we do care. I mean, that's why we make resolutions, isn't it? We want to be a certain way that'll make us more acceptable to other people.
But I'm tired of doing that. I just want to let go sometimes...not that I'm depressed or suicidal or anything like that.
I'll admit to bouts of depression that come and go, but for the most part, I think I'm less unhappy these days...which I suppose is a weird thing to say, given that my grandmother just passed away.
Yesterday, I kept smelling candy...like I was in a candy shop and freshly made chocolates and taffeys were being laid out to cool on a rack. And I was the only one who could smell it. I didn't say it out loud to anybody, but I couldn't help wondering if that was a sign of some sort.
It seems like I'm forever looking for signs --- signs that'll help me find my way in life.
But maye I should stop looking for signs and just actually live, you know?
It's like what that quotable Anonymous guy once said: "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don't say you're happy because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but you're just fine."
I guess, for the most part, we see the beginning of yet another year as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean, start from scratch, and be the better versions of ourselves that we see inside the mirror of our minds.
Maybe that's why we make resolutions that we can't keep --- we know the way we want to be, but that doesn't always translate into having the willpower to make ourselves into those people.
This year, I decided I needed to chill the fuck out.
I guess I've done a pretty good job of hiding how anal and caught up in the minutiae of my own thinking I can be, but I don't want it to be an act anymore for the benefit of others. I want to see that change in myself and know that I'm truly okay with who I am.
I've come to realize that there are things that you just have no control over, but that you can't always play it safe because you don't want to risk looking like a fool or because you're too wrapped up in what other people might think.
Sure, it's easy to say, "Screw what others think", but the reality is, we do care. I mean, that's why we make resolutions, isn't it? We want to be a certain way that'll make us more acceptable to other people.
But I'm tired of doing that. I just want to let go sometimes...not that I'm depressed or suicidal or anything like that.
I'll admit to bouts of depression that come and go, but for the most part, I think I'm less unhappy these days...which I suppose is a weird thing to say, given that my grandmother just passed away.
Yesterday, I kept smelling candy...like I was in a candy shop and freshly made chocolates and taffeys were being laid out to cool on a rack. And I was the only one who could smell it. I didn't say it out loud to anybody, but I couldn't help wondering if that was a sign of some sort.
It seems like I'm forever looking for signs --- signs that'll help me find my way in life.
But maye I should stop looking for signs and just actually live, you know?
It's like what that quotable Anonymous guy once said: "Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So don't say you're happy because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but you're just fine."
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