I like chocolate chip cookies that don't have all that many chocolate chips in them. That happens sometimes when you're baking --- all chocolate chip cookies are not made equally.

Okay, so I guess that makes me weird or something.

Thought I'd start blogging here in the mornings instead of after I get home from work, when I'll feel obligated to update all the blogs but not cross-post. I wonder if people who read all the blogs think I'm slightly schizophrenic...though, I know enough that people who have schizophrenia don't literally have a split personality. There's this pharmaceutical company that has come up with a virtual reality machine that you can strap onto your head that will simulate what a typical trek out to the pharmacy is like for someone who has schizophrenia --- it's more like you hear voices in your head and start seeing things that aren't there.

Y'know, sometimes when I tell people that I used to work as a research assistant at this outpatient program, I get the usual jokes.

"Ha ha. Did you really work there or were you a patient there?"

God, it just makes me want to punch them in the face.

It's like, "Oh, aren't I being so clever?"

Most people aren't funny. And when they try to be, it's painful. Most people feel obligated to force out a fake laugh. I guess it's better than looking at them like you feel sorry for them and saying, "You're pathetic."

The other day I was at a meeting and I sort of blanked out, thinking about other stuff. It's weird, the kind of random stuff that'll come into your mind when you're bored and stuck in a meeting. Stuff like how you really should buy so-and-so a Christmas present just in case they get you one, even though you really think they should be saving their money instead of wasting it on junk you don't really need.

You know what I don't get? People who seem to think that the more expensive the gift and the more gifts you get a person is a sign of how much you love them.

I just don't get that.

Anyway, at one point, the top guy looks over at me and is going, "Blah blah blah blah blah" and casts this expectant look in my direction and I decide to nod sagely like I know what he's talking about.

KN looked over at me as I turned my head and I mouthed, "I have no idea what he's talking about."

He probably saw me do it, too.

Ugh...I could care less at this point.

I had to write up my year end review yesterday, which I thought was totally and completely pointless seeing as it's supposed to be a tool used to decide whether someone's eligible for an increase, a bonus or a promotion --- none of which I would be eligible for as a contract person.

I remember sitting next to this guy in the training session and he said something about how he refused to do it. At the time, I kind of looked at him with respect despite the fact that he kept "playfully" swatting me in the arm throughout our group exercise...which just annoyed me because I don't like to be touched...and speaking of inappropriate touching, there's this granny type woman who works with me...Oh my God...why doesn't she ever lift her damned feet off of the fucking floor when she walks? And why-oh-why does she always have to grab hold of my wrist and stroke my hair and rub my back when she talks to me? It's not endearing when I see her picking her teeth and picking up crap off the floor before popping it into her mouth.

But I digress.

Where was I?

Oh, right.

The guy who claimed he wasn't going to do the review.

I bet he did it anyway.

Okay...time to start the work day.

God have mercy on my soul.