Everybody's Changing
I try to stay awake and remember my name
Oh, everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.
- Keane, "Everybody's Changing"
A part of me thinks, "Oh, who the fuck do I think I am?" I mean, it's one thing to be told by co-workers and friends and the odd, random blog reader that you should go write a book about your life, but it's another thing to go to a literary agent with hat in hand and meekly ask them, "Would you please represent me?"
Ever since I stumbled across David Sedaris, I've been thinking, "This. This is what I should do with my life. This is the career I'm meant to have." And by "this", I mean writing essays about my crazy, so-called life. Let's face it. I was never really cut out for the journalism business. I know I can write, but reporting is another story altogether. But that doesn't mean I don't get bummed out from time to time, wondering what the hell happened to me. I mean, if I think too deeply about it, I get vaguely suicidal. It's like, "Screwed up. Didn't become a success at age 25. Might as well throw everything into the scrapper and kill myself now."
You know what freaks me out about the future? It's the scary unknown aspect. I mean, what if I never become anything? I was reading that book by Nick Hornby, "A Long Way Down" and the really sick thing about it all was that I could identify with those suicidal characters. All that wondering about whether or not you lived your life right.
Okay. So, to be clear? I'm not suicidal in any way. I'm too afraid of screwing up and then winding up horribly disfigured/paralyzed/brain dead. I mean, that'd be worse than the current state of things, you know?
Last night, a friend called. Mind you, this friend's life seems pretty screwed up all on its own, but she told me about this other woman we both know and about all of the medical problems she's been having. I wonder if it's vaguely sick that this makes me feel thankful it's not me. It should make me more appreciative of how good I have it.
Oh, everybody's changing and I don't feel the same.
- Keane, "Everybody's Changing"
A part of me thinks, "Oh, who the fuck do I think I am?" I mean, it's one thing to be told by co-workers and friends and the odd, random blog reader that you should go write a book about your life, but it's another thing to go to a literary agent with hat in hand and meekly ask them, "Would you please represent me?"
Ever since I stumbled across David Sedaris, I've been thinking, "This. This is what I should do with my life. This is the career I'm meant to have." And by "this", I mean writing essays about my crazy, so-called life. Let's face it. I was never really cut out for the journalism business. I know I can write, but reporting is another story altogether. But that doesn't mean I don't get bummed out from time to time, wondering what the hell happened to me. I mean, if I think too deeply about it, I get vaguely suicidal. It's like, "Screwed up. Didn't become a success at age 25. Might as well throw everything into the scrapper and kill myself now."
You know what freaks me out about the future? It's the scary unknown aspect. I mean, what if I never become anything? I was reading that book by Nick Hornby, "A Long Way Down" and the really sick thing about it all was that I could identify with those suicidal characters. All that wondering about whether or not you lived your life right.
Okay. So, to be clear? I'm not suicidal in any way. I'm too afraid of screwing up and then winding up horribly disfigured/paralyzed/brain dead. I mean, that'd be worse than the current state of things, you know?
Last night, a friend called. Mind you, this friend's life seems pretty screwed up all on its own, but she told me about this other woman we both know and about all of the medical problems she's been having. I wonder if it's vaguely sick that this makes me feel thankful it's not me. It should make me more appreciative of how good I have it.
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