The Facts Of Life Remain The Same

Quote of the Day:
"The facts of life and death remain the same. We live and die, we love and grieve, we breed and disappear. And between these essential gravities, we search for meaning, save our memories, leave a record for those who will remember us."
- Thomas Lynch, "Bodies In Motion And At Rest"

Yesterday, dad's test results came back.

The doctor wanted him to call.

Sister 3 mused, "Don't they usually call you in if it's bad news?"

We were in the car after dinner and as she pulled into the parking lot, searching for a space, I hesitantly said, "I don't know. It's just…well, both of dad's parents died of cancer…"

But that was like the wrong thing to say.

We're not supposed to talk about stuff like that out loud — 'cause it's like it'll come true or something.

I remember watching that episode of Six Feet Under where Nate dies and my mother said, "He can't die!"

And I remember thinking, "Why not? Everybody dies."

I don't even know why I'm thinking about this.

Sometimes, it's like it's better to try and prepare yourself for bad news — I mean, you don't live your whole life with disappointments and not feel like you need to try and brace yourself for more. Because that's the thing about life, isn't it? There's always more heartache and pain and disappointment.

But…even when we try our best to prepare for it, there's no point…'cause the thing about pain is that it hurts every time.

The capacity to hurt is seemingly endless.

Anyways...The test results were negative.

Breathe a sigh of relief…though…it's like most people don't want to talk about stuff like that 'cause they think it's being pessimistic. But who knows? Maybe pessimism's just this boat I've jumped onto and I can't find any way else to float through this sea of life. Okay. That was a really corny metaphor, but you get what I mean, right?

It's sort of like…well, when dad found out I'd signed my organ donation card and he got all pissed off at me — like I was tempting fate or something. But the thing is, death and illness and pain are all facts of life. Nothing ever really prepares us for it, even if we're really open-minded about it. But you know what? I don't believe in pretending that it's never gonna happen to me or someone that I love, either. That's the coward's way of dealing with things, I think.