"Stuck" At Home

See, the thing is, even though I went to journalism school and even worked in journalism for about three years, I'm not really a big fan of reading the local paper --- or watching the local news for that matter.

But it's not like I'm some yahoo hick who doesn't know what's going on in the world. I like my NY Times and watching the BBC World News --- though, more for the posh accents and the strangely expressionless, stone-cold faces of the pasty anchors as they recite the latest disasters striking the various parts of the world.

The trouble with having zero interest in local news is that sometimes, something like the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission) wildcat strike happens and you're just completely in the dark about it. Unless you turn on the radio and happen to hear that there's no point in heading out to the bus stop, 'cause you'll just be standing around there for what seems like hours.

I used to have these moments of indecision when something like that would happen. Do I stay or do I go? What if a bus comes around the corner just as I walk away? That sort of thing.

I wonder why they call it a wildcat strike? Speaking of cats...there's one in my backyard right now. It's this black cat that roams around the neighbourhood. I have no idea who it belongs to, seeing as the neighbourhood isn't what it used to be. I remember the kids on our street used to actually hang out together, riding their bikes up and down the streets, running in and out of each other's homes.

Nobody does that anymore.

We retreat into our homes and we stay there. We don't make eye contact, we don't say hello, we aren't all that neighbourly.

Hell, when my friend's uncle's house burned down, none of his neighbours called the fire department. They just stood there, with their gobs wide open, staring in disbelief.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe they were shellshocked or something, but I tend to chalk it up to sheer stupidity. Like, what if the fire spread and their homes burned down, too?

Anyway, I guess there was really nothing stopping me from taking the GO train downtown, but you know what? I didn't really feel like it. It's not like I have some completely important job that I need to do.

I'm not exactly saving lives here.

You know, for awhile, right after I graduated and after I decided journalism wasn't for me, I felt really...I dunno. Lost, maybe? Like I didn't have any direction and didn't know where I wanted to go in life. It was like, I didn't feel important, which can be a really horrible feeling.

I wonder if other people think about stuff like that? Like, what their place is in the world...sometimes, it just makes you feel really small.