Sometimes, when I'm reading other people's blogs, I wonder, "Why can't I do that? Just be totally open about what's going on in my life?"

Granted, some of those blogs can get kind of boring after awhile. I used to read this one blog on Xanga, which was sort of amusing at first, but then the girl just got really pretentious and boring, documenting all the fancy restaurants she'd go to and take photographs of all the things she'd eat. And everything was all about how great her life was with her perfect, perfect boyfriend --- and oh, look! Here are some chairs we bought at this trendy furniture shop.

*yawn*

Okay, maybe that just makes me sound jealous or something, but the truth is, maybe misery loves company and that's why, when you're feeling like your life's at a standstill, it sort of helps to read the blogs of other people who sort of feel the same way.

I mean, yeah, sometimes, I just feel like I'm writing the same thing over and over again..."I'm unhappy" blah blah blah...but the thing is, I tend to write when I'm unhappy.

So, maybe in an effort to switch things up a bit --- so that, one day, when I'm old and gray and look back through this blog --- there'll actually be stuff documented in here...little signposts of what made the year.

Okay...so in the last little bit...I got a new job.

Well, it's within the same company, but it's more in line with what I studied in school. And it's kind of a relief because the whole process of getting hired just dragged on forever and there were moments I had serious doubts I was even going to get it.

The thing is, I know I'm a good writer --- that might sound incredibly cocky, but it's something I know about myself. And while I might not be a good writer in the sense of being the next great Canadian novelist, I know that I have a knack for taking the complex and making it understandable...and I like that sort of challenge.

Getting your foot in the door is a bitch, though. And when your past experience has been mostly working in newsrooms and then you veer off course and start working in crap places that have nothing to do with your academic background...well, you sort of get this sense of, "What must other people think?"

Well, it's not so much that...it's more like, you have a lower opinion of yourself because you know you're not doing the best that you can do. You're not in a career that properly challenges you. You're in a job that makes you almost embarrassed.

And the thing is...I think that it actually affected me when it came to dating, too...because I didn't really think too highly of myself back then and I'd be feeling like...well, almost not worthy, you know?

Yeah. I know. It's stupid.

The funny thing is, this new job has killer benefits and you can actually go and see a psychologist and I thought that might be something I'd want to do. Just actually pay someone to listen to me and help me figure out some of this shit that's going on in my head that makes me feel like...less of a person, I suppose.

As for the dating thing?

Well...was briefly involved with this one guy who turned out to be a completely arrogant prick who thought way too highly of himself. Then was set up with a guy who didn't bother letting me know something that he should have --- which was why, when we met up, it was kind of a huge shock. And then there was this other guy who seemed interested at first, but then never got around to asking me out, so I figured, "I'm not going to do this. I don't want to pin my hopes on anybody anymore and just wait around like some idiot, hoping that things will change."

I've already done that for way too long with the guy from the office.

Speaking of which...it's really hard to know how things stand when sometimes, you think you get this vibe that there's the potential for something...and then you start second guessing it and wondering if you're just seeing something that you want to see.

I'd like to think I'm more perceptive than most people...but when it comes to dating and romance, I suck.